Voice dictation is a pretty amazing technological achievement. That it can take what we spew out of our mumbling mouths and turn much of it into accurate, readable text is really quite the thing. But it’s also a case of two things being true simultaneously, because let’s be honest, it kind of sucks shit. If …
Category Archives: satire
Our Deepest Apologies To The Flu Trucks Clan
I missed posting this one the first time around, but with the Emergencies Act inquiry in full swing it suddenly feels relevant again. I don’t live in Ottawa and wasn’t visiting while all this was happening, but basically everything I read, saw and heard has me questioning whether or not this really is a fake …
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I Think I Know This Guy
A few of him, actually. And some of him didn’t even bother with the fall out of touch part. Just skipped straight to the “What in the goddamn hell happened to you, dude?” phase somewhere during the pandemic while everybody was distracted. HELLO, WE USED TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND NOW I’M A TOXIC PRESENCE …
He’ll Probably Mess That Up, Too
Doug Ford promises to spend second term undoing harm caused by first term TORONTO – After un-cancelling the $15 minimum wage increase, Premier Doug Ford is promising Ontarians that, if re-elected, he will spend the entirety of his second term fighting tooth and nail to undo the damage caused by his first term. “Folks, the …
Is That A Truck?
I AM BLOCKING TRAFFIC WITH MY TRUCK TO SEND A MESSAGE: I HAVE A TRUCK This was written during America’s dumb truck convoys, but if you take away the self-awareness at the end, it would fit perfectly into what happened in Ottawa a couple months ago. Just a bunch of goobers doin’ stuff at the …
Are We Even Sure Car Accidents Are Real? I’ve Never Died In One
Pretty sure I know this guy. Shit, I think I know 12 of him. WHY I’M DOING MY OWN RESEARCH BEFORE USING A SEAT BELT Here’s a question: How did they come up with seat belts so quickly? We’ve only had over a hundred years of car safety innovation and research that have built to …
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Facebook Finally Gets Something Right
Man Who Posted ‘We Can All Get Through This Together’ Kicked Off Social Media For Spreading Covid-19 Hoax COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—After violating the company’s terms of service with his factually inaccurate message, local man Mitch Pennington, who posted the words “We can all get through this together!” on Facebook, was reportedly kicked off the social …
It’s So Good To Finally Keep Doing What We Never Stopped Doing
ANOTHER DULL QUARANTINE WEEKEND AT HOME, TARGET, CHIPOTLE, HOME DEPOT, AND OUR NIECE’S GRADUATION PARTY This is one of those pieces that’s technically satire but is pretty much on the nose. All coronavirus long I’ve had to hear people bellyaching about how rough things have been, how little there is to do and how they …
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Talk Is Cheap. Dead Air Is Cheaper
This is supposed to be satire, but it’s a little too on the nose. Bell is just the worst. I’m not sure if there’s anything for which they can be criminally prosecuted for blatantly stealing all of that COVID emergency business relief money, but if there is, may it rain down upon them like vengeance …
No One Should Ever Vote For Doug Ford Again, Said Doug Ford
Doug Ford Furious At Doug Ford For Cutting Funding To Long-Term Care Homes Toronto – After the Canadian military’s report on the state of long-term care homes was released, Doug Ford has stated how disappointed and angry he is over Doug Ford’s health care cuts that led to the homes being in this state. After …
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