Last Updated on: 7th October 2013, 12:05 pm

The government of Ontario, [the Canadian province I live in] is considering passing legislation that would allow restaurant patrons to bring their own bottles of wine with them rather than forcing them to pay for their wine at the restaurant itself. Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty calls the proposed move a “very civilized” idea and says that because a couple of other provinces do this already, it might be a good idea here too, leading many, myself included to ask the question, just how much wine had Premier McGuinty consumed before he thought this one up?

But wait, it gets better. Not only is the government thinking of passing a bill that would more than likely cut restaurant earnings drasticly, possibly causing some to shut down due to lost revenue from alcohol sales which would lead to job losses and an eventual overall economic downturn, but some of the proposed language in the bill has the potential to create more problems. Consumer Minister Jim Watson says that he is considering a provision in the legislation that would allow customers to recork any unfinished wine that might remain in their bottles after their meals in an effort to curb drunk driving because apparently, in the alternate universe in which our elected officials reside, slightly intoxicated restaurant patrons walking around with open containers of booze doesn’t seem like that much of a problem.

Acording to Watson this recorking system is already in place in Alberta so there’s no reason why it wouldn’t work here in Ontario. Ok, let me give you a little bit of background on Alberta. I’m not sure when this wine law was passed there, but that province’s longtime Premier was a raging alcoholic up until recently. He only got help after it was reported all over the media that he cursed out a bunch of homeless people, told them to get jobs and then threw a bunch of money at them after a night of drinking. And this guy has managed to get re-elected more than once! So it only stands to reason that with leadership such as this that the province of Alberta would allow a law like that to pass. It doesn’t mean that we have to do it here, Jesus Christ.

What would be so wrong with worrying about actual important issues, like that crazy big debt that you keep bitching about inherriting from the last group of fucking idiots that people who weren’t me voted in? My head is spinning just thinking about this. Good Lord, I need a drink. Maybe I’ll hit the liquor store and then head over to Burger King. Hey, it’ll be legal soon enough.

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