Sure, boss.

Last Updated on: 9th June 2020, 07:26 am

I was watching TV the other day, and sometimes I wonder if advertisers think that the IQ of the average TV-watcher is at the same level as a turnip. I mean, they’d have to to produce some of the shit advertisements they do.

Here’s one for ya. Chef Boyardee however ya spell it. *checks so I don’t look like a loser.* They talk about how good it is for the family. They talk about how it has pasta and meat. Ok, I’m with ya, sort of. I mean it’s all right. But this is where it gets me. This woman says, “And I feel good about feeding it to my family because it has absolutely no preservatives!” Hold the phone right there, super mom. It’s in a can! How do you suppose you can keep meat, vegetables, and pasta in the cupboard in a can without it going south real quick? How do you suppose it got in that can? Are you a moron? Of course it has preservatives, unless I have completely lost my marbles. If so, please tell me so I can find them. That commercial always makes my head spin whenever I hear it.

In the same vein, there’s the slogan for Hamburger Helper. Hearty, Home-cooked Hamburger Helper. Nope, wrong, try again. It comes in a package. By that theory, KD is home-cooked. I just don’t know how they can come up with this stuff and expect us to swallow it. They might as well just walk up to us and say, “Yep, you’re all stupid. So we don’t even have to try. You’ll just believe anything we tell you. How about we tell you that the earth is flat and you were created by the magical powers of Harry Potter. Yeah, that sounds good. You fucks seem to like Harry Potter.”

Don’t get me wrong, I know advertisers have always thought of us as manipulatable numbnutses to some extent. That’s why they have simple, easy to remember jingles that we can all catch ourselves singing. That’s why they don’t make their ads long and complicated. But before, they used to try at least a little to make their shit convincing. Now it’s like they think they don’t have to try to be clever at manipulating us. They can just tell us bullshit straight up and we’ll believe them. And I’d be scared to see how many people actually would.

I really hope there are more of us who are thinking. Otherwise, how long will it be until some moron keeps cooked hamburger meat out in their cupboard and wonders why they get sick, all the while saying, “Chef Boyardee can. Why can’t I?” Does that sound nutty? Hell anything is possible these days.

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