Last Updated on: 17th November 2013, 02:09 pm
I missed out big time yesterday. Really, really big time. I was just a few short steps and a few short seconds away from snagging myself one of the coolest political souvenirs in history, but stupid me decided to stand out in the shitty freezing rain and wait for the bus instead. God, I’m such an idiot. Let me explain.
There was some sort of an exhibition type thing going on yesterday in the building where my radio station is, [yep that’s me, Mr. Aware Of My Surroundings], so of course there were all kinds of tables set up where different people were promoting different things as tends to happen during events like this. I didn’t pay them much attention on my way in beyond thinking to myself “wholly crap, where did all of these people come from,” but looking back on it now, I kind of wish I had.
Fast forward to a couple hours later. I’m sitting in the studio doing my usual thing when somebody comes in and says “hey, they’re handing out condoms downstairs that say “Liberal Party of Canada” on them.” Obviously the first words out of my mouth were “they are?” And of course they were closely followed by “did you bring me one?” He didn’t, but through time and distance I’ve managed to forgive him.
But even though he’s off the hook, I’m not. I’ll never forgive myself for not trying to find that table on my way out. I honestly consider it a lost opportunity, and now all I have to look back on is that lost opportunity and a head full of questions, questions that will now most likely go unanswered until the end of time. Questions such as who thought that was a good idea? Or did nobody consider that the first thing that 97 people out of 100 would think when they heard about this was going to be well, if you’ve ever wanted to be personally and directly screwed by the government, here’s your chance? And how did they manage to fit “Liberal Party of Canada” on those things? I mean that’s a lot of letters. I’m counting 20, and then you still have to factor in the spaces. Wouldn’t a slogan of that size look really funny once the guy goes limp? Or did they print it on those extra large magnum condoms that some guys like to buy to impress the girl behind the counter at the drugstore? I’ll probably never know any of this stuff now, and that’s a shame. It’s a shame and it’s my own fault.
I’m not sure if there’s supposed to be a lesson in all of this, but if there is, I suppose it would have to be don’t let opportunity pass you bye, or maybe have safe sex and vote, or perhaps even have safe sex while voting, I don’t really know. All I know is that I’m a broken man, a broken man who’s short 1 political condom.