Ho Ho Holy Shit It’s Almost Christmas!

Last Updated on: 12th May 2013, 02:09 pm

I just had a few Christmas thoughts, as I run around madly trying to get things done before I head to the land of dialup and choking computers. That’s still a few days away, but I have a lot to do!

Am I the only one who, as a kid, thought that song about “Have yourself a merry little Christmas” was a very lonely song? I pictured someone living alone, putting up decorations around their wee apartment, trying to feel festive even though they were all by themselves. Either that, or I thought it was a sarcastic, mean-hearted song. It was like people were saying “Yeah, you go ahead and have yourself a merry little Christmas, asshole. Don’t expect me to come knocking.” I completely expect to be going out on a limb on this one, but I had to ask.

Why is it that on every other occasion, someone’s birthday, Easter, Thanksgiving, we say “happy birthday,” “happy easter,” etc. but Christmas is always a merry Christmas? When someone says “happy Christmas,” we look at them as if they are 2 and shake our heads! Why is that? The English language is a jerk.

I am so behind schedule on my Christmas shopping it’s ridiculous. So, on Thursday, I went to a few websites where I can usually find gifts for people. Oy yoy yoy! Why is it that when you’re running behind schedule, nothing is easy to find? If I have to see the words “out of stock, will ship when available,” “will ship in four-six weeks,” “Sold out!” or similar, one more time, I will cry. Also, here’s a message for amazon.com. The inability to ship a product across the border is not “a slight problem.” It’s a fucking deal-breaker! How about just telling me I’m shit out of luck. don’t have my hopes raised and then smashed to the floor and shattered. Ok, that was a little overdramatic, but I don’t care.

On another note for the Amazon folk: Why in hell do you insist on showing me what others have also bought *after* I’m checking out? When you show me that while I’m browsing, that’s fine, but when I say nope, I’m done shopping, you can stop showing me what the Joneses have also bought. I’m not trying to keep up with them. I’m just trying to buy a CD!

Also, that listmania and user reviews stuff can disappear right about now. Ug what a pile of clutter. Amazon has a lot of stuff, but good lord their store is annoying. They have a cleaned up, accessible version, but sometimes they skimp you on descriptions there. Yeah, because an image-free site is the place to skimp on description. Yup, that makes loads of sense.

I think I’m done complaining now. The only thing I wish for is for this month to slow the hell down! It’s only two weeks until Christmas and I don’t have anything for my whole family! Yep, I suck.

I hope others are having better Christmas shopping luck than I am. I’m off to the mall today, probably to get clobbered by backpack-laiden shoppers on a single-minded quest for that perfect thingamabob for Uncle Joe. Hope I can find some thingamabobs too.

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