I Think Maybe This Guy Took Chemical, You Know.

Last Updated on: 13th February 2018, 04:47 pm

At long last, here’s another wacky story from my brother.

I’ve been meaning to write this down since the day it happened a couple weeks ago.

I was walking home from the bakery one day. It was a real nice day, warm and sunny. I wasn’t really paying attention to much, just listening to the birds trying to be heard over the traffic. Next thing I know some guy steps out in front of me in some sort of plaid barn shirt type thing, sticks his hand in front of me and says, ” I’m Joe.”

I was kind of surprised, but I shook his hand and he asked a couple questions about why I couldn’t see, how long I’d been that way and everything. That by itself would’ve been okay, and I was wanting to get home for lunch anyway, but, I couldn’t get away from the guy. I guess he had had enough of hearing about why I was blind, and launched in to some sort of story, I guess it’s what happened to him at some time or another. I don’t know if I can do it justice by writing it down, it’s better heard in person, but I’ll try.

“I was in the hospital for hours waiting. finally they come and get me, put me in a wheelchair. This young guy was pushing me through the corridors, running. I told him to slow down and he didn’t listen to me. He was a fuckin’ Jew Turban Doctor.”

I’ll have you know, this wasn’t what I was expecting to hear, but I couldn’t say anything. He just kept rambling.

“I yelled for him to slow down and he kept running. He turned a corner and I fell out of the chair and hurt my fuckin’ leg. Fuckin’ Jew he was. Finally we get to another room and a doctor looks at me. He looked at my leg and twisted it around. Fuckin’ Jew Turban doctor. They all Turban doctors. I stayed for hours well they look at my leg.”

By this time I’m practically starving because I hadn’t eaten anything since 4:30 that morning, and it was approaching the wonderful hour of three. But, Good ole Joe had no intensions of letting me go that easily.

“I planted my neighbour a vegetable garden. He’s crippled, can’t do it on his own. The police come, they arrest me because, I don’t know. Fuckin’ Jew Turban doctors. My wife, she screaming, ” Why you take my husband, why you take my husband?

“This lady police officer, she fuckin says, you be stop yelling or we take you too.

“I sit in police station for hours. they ask me questions. finally I go home. I get fuckin trial you know. It was a fuckin’ Jew.

“Say, your not Jewish, are you?”

Fine time to ask that, buddy. Nope, lucky for you, I’m not. If I had been, you would’ve known in the first 10 seconds of this conversation.

Then he goes back to me being blind and asking more questions about that.

“You see nothing all your life no?”

“That’s right.”

“You eyes not work right because your Mom took chemical, you know.”

I don’t think she did Pal, but whatever you say.

After a bit more jabbering about his crippled neighbour’s garden and some other stuff about fuckin’ Jews and another thing or two about Turban doctors, he said:

“You stop by any time, I love you, you good boy.”

Well, if that didn’t give me the creeps…nothing would. I said bye, and headed home.

That’s it. I probably didn’t do it justice because he had some sort of accent going, kind of a cross between French and something else. You really have to hear it.

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