I’m Tired. Let’s Go To The Can

Last Updated on: 23rd March 2017, 02:38 pm

Here’s one of those things I’m not sure the world really needs, not to mention one of those things that I have no idea how somebody came up with.

I just found out that a patent was issued in 2004 for aForehead support apparatus that would give us guys someplace to rest our heads while we’re standing at a urinal.

Who exactly is this for? I mean even now when I’m semi-drunk and at the point where heading for a piss every few minutes is a good idea, I’m not thinking gee, I wish I could lean my head against something right now. If I want to lean anything anywhere, it’s my other arm against something to steady myself, and last time I checked, that’s what walls were for.

And let’s say that for some reason I did want to lean my head against something. Would that really be a good idea? Anybody who knows anything about anything knows that if you mix a drunk guy and any lean-againstable surface, homeboy’s falling asleep on it. Prick in your hand, sleep on your mind, piss on your leg and perhaps the leg of the guy next to you. No good, no good whatsoever.

I wish I had a witty and snappy way to end this, but I don’t. I was even going to make some joke about leaning against something and thinking about it, but it was stupid and I can’t make it better. I’m as dumb as this invention is. Yeah, that’ll do. Jesus, I’m wrecked. Not wrecked enough to need a head holder, but still.

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