Use The Exits *After* The Plane Has Landed

Last Updated on: 27th November 2013, 09:08 am

First, we need a themesong. Thank you Arrogant Worms.

There really isn’t much to this story. a possibly suicidal man tried to open the exit door of a plane mid-flight. Luckily, he failed, and nobody was hurt. The plane diverted to Albuquerque, and he’s now having a big ol’ chat with the FBI. But it reminds me of a story that I felt like telling.

Ok, when I went to the school for the blind, they flew us home every weekend, at least the folks who had to go kinda far. We used to have to take a big ol’ van to the Toronto airport and all get onboard a big ol’ commercial plane and go through all the big ol’ security crap, such as it was. But the cool thing was by the end, they had gotten some kind of charter flight system and would just fly us on a little plane out of the Brantford airport. That cut down on the amount of screwing around that we had to do by a whole bunch.

Our little plane I think seated 19. But it did have a bathroom. Nearly every flight, this one guy would need to use the bathroom. We could never figure out why, since it was only an hour and a half flight. Just use the bathroom before or after. Why did he always have to use the bathroom during the flight?

One day, he must have been tired or something. He went into the bathroom like usual, but…a couple of minutes later, all sorts of alarms were going off, and our plane was descending! I could feel my ears popping as if we were dropping pretty fast. But…we were nowhere near Ottawa and I also didn’t hear the landing gear come down.

I started to panic. There was a guy sitting next to me, sleeping. I stared at him and thought, “Do I wake him? Are we about to die? If we are, can we do anything about it anyway?”

Just then, he woke up and said “What the hell is that?” All I could manage was “We’re g-g-g-g-going d-d-d-d-down.”

Then, suddenly, the alarms stopped going, and I could feel the plane leveling off. At the same moment, one of the pilots came storming back through the cabin yelling at our passenger with the inability to hold his pee. “What did you touch? What did you hit? What?” All the passenger would say was “I touched nutting!” He was French. Oh boy. I could tell lots of stories about that. Anyway, he was rather quickly escorted back to his seat and told to never go back into the bathroom again.

The only thing we can figure is inside the bathroom there must be a cabin exit and an emergency exit, and our French friend must have gotten a little turned around and tried to pull the emergency handle. Yikes!

All we know is the next week, and forever after, our plane had no bathroom!

So there’s my episode of story time for the day.

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