How To Land ‘Em And Keep ‘Em, all While Breaking The Bank

Last Updated on: 1st February 2018, 09:24 am

I’m going to keep this post quick since Carin and I are busy not buying presents and doing nothing special for Valentine’s Day, but I do want to say that I am a very lucky guy. It’s an amazing feeling knowing you’ve found a person you can ignore Valentine’s Day with, and it might be even better to know that finding such a person didn’t requirepaying some company the bargain price of $360 per month to rifle through dating sites on your behalf, write all your jokes and touch up your photos so you don’t look like the type of person who would need to pay $360 per month to have some company rifle through dating sites on your behalf and write all your jokes.Seriously, there’s a company calledVirtual Dating Assistantsthat offers those services and so much more, including wink management, whatever that is.

And $360 a month is cheaping out. There’s an executive package available for $1440 (yes, per month) that entitles you to a briefing session before you go on your dates, plus date concierge services, whatever that is.

And if you manage to land yourself a someone special and have any money left over, you’ll want to make sure your new love does not stray. Thankfully, technology’s got you covered. All you need is a“Chastity Garterfrom Gorgeous Garters. It’ll only set you back £75 which is cheaper than the dating site, but still.

These new luxury items are garters with a difference. They contain a microchip that monitors the heart rate from the femoral (thigh) artery in real time as well as surface moisture. If the chastity garter detects a wife or girlfriend’s abnormally rising pulse during sex when the husband or boyfriend isn’t around, or if the garter is removed from the body, then it will automatically send him a warning text message.

If you don’t have trust what do you have, and all that lovey dovey folksy crap.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think i’ve got some romantic online shopping to do after all.

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