Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down

Last Updated on: 12th June 2020, 06:53 am

Michael Kevin Lallana, the man accused last year oftwice brewing up batches of man mustard flavoured water in the bottle of a female coworker,has been found guilty of assault and battery.

A couple of interesting new tidbits have, er, come to light since we first met this fellow, so I shall share those with you now.

Lallana admitted in a taped interview submitted to jurors that he ejaculated into an “attractive” co-worker’s water bottle because “her lips had touched it,” but told detectives he never thought she would drink it.

“It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone,” Lallana said in the interview with Orange Police Department detectives in explaining why he ejaculated into the woman’s water bottle twice last year.

When the detectives quizzed him on why he didn’t just throw the water bottle away when he was done, Lallana said he figured she would dump the water and was afraid of leaving anything out of place on her desk.

“Can I honestly say I wanted her to drink it? No,” Lallana said in the taped interview. “Why I left it there, I don’t know.”

Also entertaining in a somewhat twisted way were the methods employed by the victim, identified only as Tiffany G., of figuring out what in the wide wide world of sports was agoin’ on here. Maybe that should read wide wide world of spurts, but it’s too late now, so we’ll continue. To crack the case, it seems she used her CSI skills.

Tiffany testified she threw the water bottle away that January. But after the second time in April, she kept the fouled liquid and asked her fiancee put his semen in a water bottle to see if that’s what she had tasted at work.

“At the time, I had no idea how else to figure out what this was,” she testified.

Convinced it was semen in the water bottle she had at work, the witness said she approached Orange police but was told they could not do anything based on the suspicion of a crime.

CSI… Cum Stain Ingestion?

NO news on a sentence yet, but let’s keep him as far away from the prison cafeteria as we can if it comes to that, ok?

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