Suck It, Time Changes!

Last Updated on: 15th March 2017, 08:50 am

I’m a pretty easygoing fellow most of the time, but if ever you want to get me wound up and angry, you only need to say two words.

Time change.

Holy fuck on a flaming pole do I hate time changes. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about the one this weekend or the one in October or November or wherever the hell they moved it this year, I despise it with the furious burning of a thousand suns.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this here before, but time changes always, and I do mean always, mess me up something fierce. While most of you are getting pissed about losing an hour of sleep, I’ve already been awake for the last three trying to figure out where those other 2 sumbitches fucked off to. While the rest of you are enjoying your extra hour of sleep, I’m trying to figure out why in the good happy Christ I’ve spent the extra hour and then some awake trying to figure out why it’s so stupidly early. And it’s not just that one day, either. It usually takes me at least a week to get myself back on what passes for track around here.

And why? What benefits are we getting out of all this clock monkeying? I can’t think of a single one. Other than perhaps tricking a person or two into thinking there’s more light for a few days or some shit, we’re accomplishing exactly nothing here. Ok, nothing aside from pissing off literally everyone.


For generations, farmers have been rising with the sun to tend to their crops and animals. Farms operate on strict feeding, milking, watering and harvesting schedules, which can be thrown out of whack with biannual time changes.

That’s why farmers across Canada have opposed daylight time, and rural swaths of Saskatchewan pushed the province to leave the clocks alone year-round. Time for the rest of the country to follow Saskatchewan’s example?

Farmer’s, for Christ’s sake! The very people we’re supposed to be doing this for according to every single person who has ever tried to sensibly explain it to me. When the beneficiaries of your generosity are collectively telling you “gee, you really shouldn’t have,” it’s time to dig out the receipt and see about getting a refund, I think.

I don’t expect an end to this nonsense anytime soon, so for now I’ll just listen to this here tune a few times and then head for the pub and try to calm myself down with a beer or four.

I feel better already.

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  1. What they should do, if they must do anything at all, is this. Jump the clocks ahead half an hour this weekend, then leave the damn things alone for the rest of eternity.

    1. Are you thinking half an hour as in ok, if you asshats won’t get rid of it outright We’ll meet you half way?

      My vote is we leave the things alone now. You’ve had your last time change, hope it was fun.

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