Sleep Talkin’ Me, The Sequel

A while ago, I wrote about how much I talk in my sleep. Ever since, Steve has been writing down the things I’ve been saying in the comments. As you can see, my chatter has not slowed down. I thought I would take them out of the comments and put them up here so they can never disappear.

You also very definitely swear in your sleep now. I wish I could remember more about the recent one where all of a sudden you were super upset about…something.
“Oh for fuck’s sake! Why! Why would they do that?! Jesus Christ! God Damn it!”
I’m positive there was more, but I wasn’t quite aware enough in time to be able to commit it to memory.

I swear more often in my sleep now, but this happened to me years ago too.

I just remembered something that happened years ago. I was home for some holiday, I forget which one. I was sitting on the couch before supper and the TV was on and I must have dozed off. Unbidden, my mouth popped open and the words “JESUS CHRIST!” screamed out of it. Then I woke up to my mom saying “What?!” I was so, so, so so so so embarrassed!

Yes, apparently I’m a real jerk in my sleep. I’m also…very weird.

Very early this morning, I awoke to a question. Carin was asking somebody, perhaps me but I don’t know, “how would you like to be the one to take the mice and the geese home?” As usual, she was not able to explain to me what she was talking about, but she did insist that she was dreaming about something.

This was another one where I woke up in the middle of speaking, just enough to think “Oh god my lips are moving…what did I just say about mice and geese?” Steve said it sounded like I was trying to give a cool pet to some kid. Geese to a kid? What is wrong with sleeping me?

This next one wouldn’t have been nearly as funny, except for the fact that I don’t remember saying it.

Carin: *Unintelligible things that likely would have been words were I more awake.*
Me: What’s up? You ok?
Carin: I’m saying things in my sleep again. *Immediately returns to lightly snoring.*
She had no memory of saying that come morning.

If I didn’t know better, I would be convinced that Carin is just messing with me now.
Last night she awoke with a start and proclaimed “I’ve figured it out!”
“What,” I asked?
“I’ve figured it out! I know why I’m dreaming!”
“Why you’re dreaming?”
“Yeah. I know why I’m always dreaming that something is missing or about to go wrong.”
“Really? Why is it happening.”
“I don’t know. I thought I had it figured out, but I guess I don’t just now.”
And back to sleep she goes.

How very meta!

Ever since this pandemic started, I have been having repeated fits of waking up from my sleep convinced that everything is broken or I broke something or I must get up and fix it or something. I wonder if this was one of them, only I didn’t wake up all the way.

Carin, early this morning. Very, very early this morning: “No, no, no no no nononononono!  It’s going sideways!  It’s going sideways again!” 
Me: It’s ok. Are you dreaming?
Carin: “Nonononono, it’s sideways!  All of it!  The whole thing!”
Odd enough by itself, but an hour or so later she did it again! Like I could pretty well cut and paste what I just wrote.

It’s Monday morning, about half past midnight. At long last, I am finally starting to drift off.
And then…
“Well my my!”
“Why is Carin channeling her inner Joe Kenda,” I wonder to myself.
“That’s it! I think I’ve figured it out.”
“What have you figured out?”
“I’ve got it! I finally know what you’ve been hiding from.”
“Are you having a dream?”
“Yes, but not exactly.”
“So I’m hiding from something?”
“Well, yes, kind of. I don’t have all the words right now.”
“But you’ve figured out something in a dream?”
“Yes, but no.”
And back to sleep she went.
As for me, I had to wait until almost 3 before I could say the same.

Reading these, I’m not surprised poor Steve ends up sleeping on the couch lots.

Not sure if Carin was dreaming about Coronavirus, work or both, but this morning, out of the blue, I heard the following:
“Spreadin’. Spreadin’. Stop the spread. It’s spreadin’ for sure.”
Then, after a slight pause:
“I guess we’ll have to activate that sooner than we thought. At least it’s usable.”

Wow. Sleep me leads such an exciting life!

I keep forgetting to write this one down.
A couple of nights ago, I was at the computer and Carin was napping on the couch watching TV. Suddenly…
“What in the world of heck is going on with the puff puff pitter patter puff puff pitter patter puff puff pitter patter?”
At first I thought she was talking to the dog, who had just come down the hall. But then Carin kept going.
“This is like when the…when the…when the…the…the…um…um…the…the thing…”
“Carin,” I said. “Are you dreaming about something?
“No! It’s just that the…the uh…the uh…de de de…it’s like what happens when the engine detects a rhythm.”
“What?”
“Not the engine, the thing! The the the the…the engine. Guh. Not the engine, but you know. The engine detects…it gets…not the engine.”
“You’re definitely dreaming.”
“No, I just can’t get it to fall into place.”
“I see that. Do you think that’s because nothing happened?”
“I don’t…I don’t know, but something is happening.”
It took close to 5 minutes for her to sort this out.

Yes, I think in this case, Sleep Me was an astronaut. I think I was referring to spacesuits being able to detect the wearer’s vital signs but I don’t know. But I haven’t a clue what Sleep Me was in this one. Was I a terrorist?

“It’s gonna happen. It’s gotta happen. You’re gonna go in there, and you’re gonna blow up the fancy fancy………zee!”

And what’s up with the Z at the end?

Carin last night, completely out of the blue: Reminder.
*A few seconds of silence.*
Carin: The cigar…the guitar…the bread…uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, you know what I mean.
*Fast, nervous breathing ensues.*
Me: No, I don’t. I think you’re dreaming again.
Carin: Ok.
*Breathing slows down, sleep returns.*

I don’t even have a shred of a clue what sleeping me was trying to say about guitars, cigars and bread. I’m as confused as Steve.

I wish I had heard more of what happened here, but unfortunately I woke up to the sound of it from down the hall after falling asleep on the couch.
The first thing I hear is Carin giving what sounds like some kind of monologue as her keys jingle. What is she doing, I think to myself, and what the heck is she saying. As I get my wits about me, I catch some of it. I’m about 99% sure I heard her say “All right mister, what do you think you’re looking at?” There is then a pause, and in a much softer, more friendly, curious sounding tone she says “And where are we going?”
After that, I hear the sound of sheets and then silence as everything returns to normal.

I was jingling keys? I hope I don’t do anything really really dumb one of these days like leave the apartment or something. For the first part of this, I think I blame Kevin Mitnik’s book about being a wanted hacker. He was always looking at what people were doing, breaking into systems and stuff like that. I have no idea what the second part was about.

Here are some more book-related outbursts.

Books seem to fuel a lot of these dreams. There are two that we never wrote down, and I think they happened in the same night. Once, I clearly remember waking up and going “Ah crap! They’re really mad now!” and then you asked me who, and I realized I was dreaming, but that one was the latest Bobiverse book’s fault. Same thing goes for the one where I woke up saying “Oh no! It’s broken! The cable’s broken!” “The cable?” “Yeah! The cable to the Bobiverse communicator! They told me! It’s broken!” Steve was wondering what the heck was wrong with the TV, our cable certainly wasn’t broken. Nope, dreaming again.

And then there’s this morning, which I most definitely heard.
Carin, in a whisper: “What what what what what.”
Then, a couple seconds later, in a more normal speaking voice.
“Watch out for all of the minimals. Both of them.”
Hopefully she has some insight when she wakes up.

Nope, no she doesn’t.

And while we’re on the subject of things I have no idea about.

Carin last night while sleeping in front of the TV: “Suddenly…mister? Oh…what did we call him? We called him…uh…he was called…we called him…what was it we called him…he was called…uh…”
Then silence.

Remember what I said before about being very meta, and me being a jerk in my sleep? Here are more examples.

Ack. I wish I wasn’t this active in my sleep. What was it I said the other night? Something about “We’ve got a massive problem here” as I almost tip forward out of bed? Last night, I even dreamed that there was a fire alarm that went off and I walked out the fire exit in my sleep, acting like several people I know who had died. You had to tell me about it in the morning.

So now I’m dreaming about things I’m doing in my sleep. Steve replied to that comment with this.

Yes.  You were telling me that we had a massive problem after awaking with a start and popping up like you were a Jack in the Box or something.  When I asked what it was, you told me to “look around you!”  I said I didn’t see anything, and as you began to tip forward to the floor, you said “half of it’s gone.  Where’s the rest of it?”  The rest of what is a question still unanswered.

What the hell am I doing chipping at him to look around him?

Carin is having a busy week at the office, so I think this is where last night’s outburst came from.
Carin: “Oh boy, daddio! There’s a lot going on right now! But don’t panic.”
Me, (waking up suddenly): “What?”
Carin: “There’s lots to do.”
Me: “There is?”
Carin: “Yes.”
“Me: “What’s happening?”
“Carin: “I’m sleepy right now. I don’t have all the words for it. I’m sorry.”
Me: “Ok. Sure.”
And back to sleep she went, assuming she ever truly awoke.

No, she didn’t wake up at all. And…Oh boy, daddio? Really?

And, as if I knew I was going to write this post today, Sleep Me spat out this masterpiece that encompasses so many common themes.

Carin, just now: “Ffffffffffff-fuckin’ shit!”
Then, a long silence.
I know she’s not paying attention to the Jays game, so I’m naturally confused.
“What’s up, little dude,” I ask as I walk across the room.
The silence continues until…
“That’s really fuckin’ weird,” she says groggily.
“What is?”
“Aaaaaaaaaa!” she…says? Softly screams? I’m not sure what you would call that.
“It’s got something to do with where I fell asleep and where I woke up,” she explains.
“Well,” I say, “you fell asleep here and woke up in the same spot, so what happened?”
She then proceeds to explain to me that it has something to do with the book she’s fallen asleep reading. Something about libraries inside of libraries that I don’t think I understand. I hope she remembers what she’s talking about and comments back to fill us all in.

It’s got to do with books, swearing, things being broken, and being meta. The only thing missing was the part where I get up and do something stupid, but in this case I’m glad I didn’t. The book was Infinite2, where the guy was in all sorts of simulations inside each other and there was a lot of death, both self-inflicted and not. I, unlike the main character, am not immortal, so that would not have ended well.

And I think we’re done…for now. I’m sure there will be more.

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34 Comments

  1. Carin: Oh gees.
    Me: What?
    Carin: I hear mom and dad’s new cat.
    Me: You do?
    Carin: Yes. It’s going to be here in a second.
    Me: I have my doubts.
    Carin: I hear it.
    Me: Your folks aren’t anywhere near here.
    Carin: Well, it’s almost here. It sounds like it’s coming through the real and dream wall.

    1. I kind of remember doing that, but not the real and dream wall part. Some cat meowed on the TV and in my dozed off state, I was dreaming it sounded like that cat that wandered into my parents’ yard and decided this would be a great place to call home. I was convinced that somehow it had arrived here. I’m so weird.

  2. Carin, in the middle of the night: “Hahaha! Ha! Ha! That’s where they want to put it? It’s going to go there? What an unusual time.”
    Me: What’s happening?”
    Carin: “We’re trying to figure out where it’s going to go. We need to put it in the…in the…I don’t have the word for the thing, but it’s got to go there. We’re going to put it in the malary.” *Random syllables that sounded like something about the Baha.*

    Carin can correct me if she remembers, but I believe the malary was her work calendar.

    1. I think that was what it was. I woke up as I was saying “The Malary” and had several warring thoughts. What the fuck is a Malary? What am I talking about? This is going to suck in the morning. Goddammit I woke him up again!

  3. Carin in the middle of last night: “What’s that you say? What’s broke? They said it was broke. Something is broke.”
    Me: “What’s broke?”
    Carin: “They say something…are you broke?”
    Me: “Nope.”
    Carin: “Broke is the secret word!”
    Me: *Tries not to laugh too loudly.*

    1. I forgot a detail here.

      When Carin did this, the radio was on very quietly in the background. I’m not sure how well she could hear it, but the discussion about housing affordability may have crept into her dreams and might explain why broke was the secret word.

  4. Carin, very very early this morning: “Piss!”

    Then, after a long pause…

    “I’m a dumb head. Of course it’s in there. Why would it be anywhere else?”

    This isn’t all that amusing really, but it’s interesting because for once she didn’t try to convince me that she wasn’t dreaming. She spent a couple of seconds fumbling for words, then said “I’m dreaming about something but I can’t really explain it yet.”

  5. I keep forgetting to write down about the day I woke up and next to my head were my yoga pants! I didn’t put them there while awake, but if I dug deep enough, I found a vague memory of searching for a shirt, finding something, but it wasn’t a shirt…and then I came to my senses and realized I didn’t need to find shirts right now. But I didn’t come to my senses enough to put the pants back where I found them. So I woke up in the morning with pants next to my head.

  6. I keep forgetting to write this down. I had a dream the other night that you came to wake me up one morning, and as you sat down on the bed you said “Did you mean to send me those garbled texts last night?” I said “Texts? What texts?” You said “I got some texts from you. They didn’t make any sense.” I said “Oh god! Now I’m texting in my sleep! I’m in trouble!” When I woke up for real, I had to check my phone to see if I had sent any texts in my sleep. Thank god I hadn’t.

  7. As I was busy writing a few minutes ago, my attention was suddenly grabbed by a commotion on the other side of the room. Carin, who had up until that moment been soundly sleeping, was flopping around on our loveseat.

    I walked over in the hopes that if she said anything, I would catch it. I was not disappointed.

    Carin, now sitting up: “Boy. Somebody really fucked up there.”
    Me: “What happened?”
    Carin: “Really screwed up. Screwed up…the…uh…”
    Me: “Ok?”
    Carin: “What did the man on TV say a few minutes ago?”
    Me: “He said that it was a great night for baseball.”
    Carin: “Oh boy. He did? It sounded like he said that it would have been fine three years ago, but because everything was backwards now there’s a big pile of dead babies out there.”
    Me: “Um no. He definitely did not say that.”
    Carin: I’m dreamin’ and dumb.” *breaks into laughter, then kind of falls asleep again.*

      1. When you fell asleep you were watching one, so that logic isn’t totally off the wall. But you had also been out for so long that it had been over for over an hour and you had missed the 3rd period of the Leafs game and a few minutes of baseball.

  8. The other night I awoke to Carin thrashing her arms around, seemingly in a futile battle with blankets on the bed that refused to come off of her.
    Me: Everything ok?
    Carin: I’m trying to get all wrapped up.
    Me: So you want the blankets on?
    Carin: Yeah.
    Me: They’re already on.
    Carin: Oh. Ok.

  9. Last night I chuckled at something on TV while Carin was asleep. All of a sudden…

    Carin: Yes! That is definitely the bad news bear of all time.
    Me: What? What is?
    Carin: We said that the other day.
    Me: We did? What about?
    Carin: About something. We thought something was screwed up.
    Me: We did? I don’t remember that.
    Carin: My brain is all he che che. It won’t come. Fuck.

  10. Carin tried to go for a stroll last night.

    I’m not sure how long we had been asleep, but it couldn’t have been very long. All of a sudden I notice, through my fog, that she’s trying to get up whilst mumbling something.

    Me: What are you doing?
    Her: I’ve got to go push all the buttons.
    Me: What buttons?
    Her: I need to turn all the fans off.
    Me: There are no fans on. It’s winter time.
    Her: Ok then. *flops back over, falls the rest of the way asleep.*

    1. This thing really does not want me to post the newest Carin sleep story. It keeps throwing internal server errors when I try. I’m glad nothing is actually broken, but what in the world of heck?

  11. The other day, I woke up standing up. I was confused because I had some reason for getting up, but I had no idea what it was. Then Steve noticed I was walking around kind of aimlessly and said “I thought you had to pee!” Apparently I told him that was why I was getting up, but I was still asleep at the time.

    1. Yes. You told me you had to get up again and go to the john. You got out of bed, started moving very slowly, then started kind of shuffling in circles that eventually found their way back to the bed. I asked you what happened to going to the can, to which you responded “I just remembered that I don’t have to do that.”

  12. “Don’t be dumb, stupid!”

    Words to live by, for sure. We could all stand to hear them now and then. But last night I thought I was hearing them directed at me for reasons I didn’t understand.

    I walked into the living room and closed our sliding door. Carin, who had been sleeping in front of the TV, then said that loudly and emphatically. I asked who she was mad at and if she was dreaming again. The usual fumbling for words and futile attempts to convince myself and herself that this one was absolutely real ensued.

    Turns out she was dreaming that she was using her phone as a remote control and it wasn’t quite working. She thought that the commercials in real life changing was a sign that her dream remote was malfunctioning, switching channels faster than she wanted.

    Perhaps the beam has trouble getting through “the real and dream wall.”

  13. Carin: Oh Jesus! Don’t do that!
    Me: What?
    Carin: That song that was just on the TV.
    Me: What song?
    Carin: The one about having no feeling in your hands.
    Me: What? I must have missed that.
    Carin: It was the one about having all kinds of problems with his back and his legs.
    Me: There was an ad for insurance a minute ago, but nobody was singing.
    Carin: Oh dear.

  14. Carin: Geesh. Oh boy.
    Me: What?
    Carin: All that stuff that just happened on TV there. You saw it.
    Me: What happened?
    Carin: Well………all them llamas spittin’ on everybody. Spittin’ everywhere!
    Me: This is an episode of Forensic Files.
    Carin: Oh. Well in my dream one spit on me. I don’t know why it did that.

    1. Yeah I was totally dreaming that I found myself in a pen with some llamas. I was doing my best to not upset them. I was walking slowly, I was keeping my distance, and then…Hak tui! I got spat upon. I blame Seppa for this one. He was talking about llamas.

  15. Yes, lol. There was the whole thing where he told me to lie on the floor, kick my legs in the air, rub my belly and say “I’m a llama!” and because he’s Seppa, there I was, doing exactly that.

  16. “Holy crapomatics! Something has gone bad. I am trying to figure out what it is. What is it? It’s gone bad. How? Why? What could it be? Or maybe I’m having one of those half sleep things where I’m crazed.”

    1. I remember “crapomatics” most of all of that whole thing. I’m trying to remember what I was thinking. I think it had something to do with space or gravity being wrong or something. I can’t quite remember.

  17. A couple of nights ago the two of us were happily, peacefully sleeping, or at least that’s what I thought. At one point I briefly woke up and rolled over. I didn’t touch Carin nor did I make a sound. But…

    “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

    “Is everything ok,” I asked, startled.

    “Absolutely not!”

    As she said this, Carin started to quickly try to get up as though she was in some sort of panic. I put an arm on her to try to calm her down. Thankfully it worked and in no time flat she was out like a light again.

    She has no memory of any of this.

  18. Last night, Carin was sleeping on the couch. I was watching baseball and doing something on the computer.

    Suddenly…

    “Crippity crappity crudballs! That’s not good!”

    “What’s wrong,” I asked?

    “You don’t wanna know.”

    Then, after a long pause…

    “Or maybe I’m crazed again. I might have had a Stephen King dream.”

    I hope it was a dream about how Stephen King spells Steven incorrectly.

  19. Last night, sleeping.

    Carin: Um…We’ve got a bit of an issue here.
    Me: We do?
    Carin: We sure do. All the numbers are off centre…………..and I think I’m being stupid again.

    1. Hahaha. I was dreaming that all the support beams in the apartment building had numbers and someone had tried to change the numbers, and because of that, the beams were going to move and the building would fall down. I was also sure I saw a bright light shining on me…which freaked me out on some level.

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