The Night Santa Went Crazy

Last Updated on: 5th February 2023, 10:28 pm

Ever since I got my CPAP machine that I call Santa Claus, I’ve been having a lot more dreams. The rush of dreams is almost as pronounced as when we got our new mattress…which is nearing the end of its days, I think. At least some of these dreams are just amusing and they aren’t all as terrifying as the ones caused by the dreamons. I wanted to write a few of them down.

The one that’s the hardest to remember simply consisted of me living my life, and randomly it would be accompanied by Spike Jones music or noises. So I would kick something, and there would be this loud metal clang. Or snowflakes would fall on my head and make that whistling noise that meant something was falling. Or I would finish doing something, and that dramatic song ending music would play.

Then I had this dream that I called a meeting about going to the CSUN conference, and then missed the meeting that I called!

On another night, I had this elaborate dream where I was at a train station and ran into a bunch of old friends I hadn’t seen in a while. At one point, somebody’s guide dog came up behind me and sniffed my butt. Then we tried to make it so we were all in the same train car, and nobody could figure out how to do that, and I called somebody a genius ball, and had to explain it. Somehow, we all ended up back at our apartment building trying to catch a cab back to the train.

Tansy came into my dreams. That was a nice one. She was all fluffy and soft and full of beans. She just stayed with me for a while, rolled around on the floor shukhing and being a goof, and then had a big sloppy drink of water.

There was one I can’t remember super well, but it involved being in the mall without my cane. That would not be a good plan.

In another dream, I was in this dingy apartment full of hackers, and people from work. All I can remember about it was there was music everywhere, and whenever a certain guy would come in, he would step on my toe. There were mattresses everywhere and people would be on computers until they fell over in a dishevelled heap. There were pizza boxes and random takeout containers all over the place and I don’t know why I was there.

One of my more disturbing dreams involved me being Bobby from the “Low Men in Yellow Coats” story by Stephen King. I was reliving the last day, when he’s running away from scary guys and he sees the lost pet signs on the telephone poles. And then it cut to the scene where he calls the number on the lost pet signs. I hadn’t read that story in years, and I had to go find it again to see how well I remembered it.

Travel must be on my mind. I have had two travel dreams, neither of them very good. Last nights was just weird. I was on a plane with an older lady I know and what my dream imagined her goddaughters would look like, and some of their friends. When we got out, we grabbed our carry-on luggage and had to run out of the airport quickly. I wasn’t even sure if my stuff got grabbed. Then we went to a restaurant, and one of the friends was constantly on the phone and said we had to give some guy named Carlo and some friends a ride. But they also brought little dogs that they were trying to pretend were service dogs. Then when the meal was over, they all ran out of the restaurant and didn’t wait for me. Then some cop came in and cleared out the whole restaurant and helped me find my friends, don’t ask me how. They told me that if they didn’t get out, the waitress was going to kill us. So nice of them to leave me behind. Then since Carlo and some others were in the car, there was hardly any room for me and I was all squished into the back seat. And there was some weird conversation where the goddaughters were trying to give my friend a hard time about trusting too many people, and she was trying to explain that if you’re blind, you kind of have to trust people sometimes. Then I woke up and a weird Raffi song was in my head.

But the weirdest travel dream, and the one that made me laugh the hardest was the one about my trip to CSUN. My colleague and I were in the airport and it was almost security time. We got to the bins and I was making sure I had my bin and was starting to take my shoes off. There was a woman next to me so I was trying to make sure I had my hand on my bin. Suddenly, a great big TSA guy came running over saying “Ma’am! Ma’am! Don’t use that bin! Ma’am!” I finally asked if he was talking to me or the woman next to me, and he said “Both of you! Somebody urinated in all the bins!” We asked him what we were supposed to do and he said “We’re trying to get the guy’s insurance to pay for it.” I was about to comment that that will take a while, when I woke up.

Yup. This is what my mind is busy doing when I’m hooked up to ol’ Santa. What the heck? It doesn’t happen every night, but it happens often enough. Who knows what will come next, but one thing’s for sure. my wish is still coming true.

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