I know where we should start. SMUTTY BOOKS HAVE NO PLACE IN OUR SCHOOLS. IT’S TIME TO BAN THE BIBLE
Members of the school board, I’m here to voice my outrage about a disgusting book I found in my child’s backpack. The book contained graphic violence, prostitution, sodomy, and perhaps worst of all, a woke agenda that promotes loving your neighbor instead of passing laws to control their access to healthcare. I’m talking, of course, about the Holy Bible.
Ever since the school started promoting Bible study, it’s been nonstop questions from our nine-year-old. “Daddy, what’s a harlot?” “Daddy, what’s ‘spilling your seed’?” “Daddy, in order to repopulate the earth after the flood, wouldn’t Noah’s family have to commit at least cousin-level incest?”
When my wife and I confronted the principal about the inappropriate content our children are being exposed to, she replied, “The Bible is a completely age-appropriate book that we are required to teach by the state of Texas under penalty of law, and our teachers definitely enjoy explaining to students why it is a sin to covet your neighbor’s wife and/or ass.”