When the time comes for me to leave this world, I would like for my exit to be a largely painless, peaceful affair. I have no interest in a demise such as being crushed beneath a tour bus, for instance. But if by some cruel twist of fate I should one day come to find …
Category Archives: irony
He Was A Hardened Criminal, According To His Arteries
It’s often said that the wheels of justice turn slowly. but sometimes they sit there idling while you die of a heart attack during a murder. Segrest said the investigation by local and state law enforcement, combined with autopsy results, determined that Folds “was strangled” – and “it appears [Robbins] was attempting to dispose of …
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If It Wasn’t For The Community Service, You’d Be In Jail Right Now!
“Driving around with alcohol and cocaine in your system and getting into an accident is definitely bad.” “Maybe, but what if that accident were to kill a guy who was driving around with alcohol and meth in his?” “Nope, still bad. But thanks…I guess? “You know what? I think I’m gonna try to avoid roads …
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Do Not Use This Service. But If You Must, Use It To Watch Kimmel
This is just silly. The Trump administration, the same one that strongarms talk shows off the air because it doesn’t like being made fun of and shakes down media companies for not praising it enough is apparently so concerned about free speech around the world that it’s reportedly launching a new website to help foreigners …
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I Don’t Think It Worked
It’s hard for me to sit here, especially these days, and bag on anyone for wanting to remove sadness, negativity and pain from their lives. I will say, however, that in my experience, simply pouring some of the alcohol from the bottle into myself rather than onto something that I’m trying to set on fire …
That’s One…
A teenager who sneaked into a closed funfair with friends was crushed to death by the mechanical arm of one of the rides, an inquest heard today. That ride? Body Count. Mr Partington said KFRS was called to reports of a male trapped with the mechanics of a fairground ride at 7:44am. He said the …
I Swear I Thought It Was A Plant-Based Nose
I just heard Carin mention Beyond Meat during a phone call and it reminded me that for some reason I never got around to letting you all know that a couple of years ago the company’s chief operating officer tried to bite a guy’s nose off during a road rage incident. I apologize for my …
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Good Morning, Everyone. You’re All Doing A Terrible Job
If the head of Zoom telling his employees that they have to go back to the office because it’s hard to get anything done over Zoom isn’t the height of irony, I’m pretty sure it’s high enough up there that it can tap the real height of irony on the shoulder and ask it for …
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Police Are Hoping To Speak With Karma About The Second Murder
For a lot of reasons, I’m pretty sure I would make a terrible murderer. I don’t think I’ve got it in me to kill anybody, for a start. And even if I did, the relentless regret and anxiety would almost certainly do me in soon thereafter. Or perhaps it wouldn’t even have time, because I …
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He Died Doing What He Loved
A sad so long to Florida lawyer Ron Smith, who spent much of his legal career fighting against and ultimately helping to overturn the state’s motorcycle helmet law. He was killed recently when…do I even need to finish this sentence? Smith didn’t like being told what to do and valued his independence, said Dave Newman, …