The Dumbest Smart Laundry System Ever

Ten years ago, I wrote this frustrating rundown of trying to refill my laundry card. That was 10 years ago! And the sad thing is very little has changed. We have made some improvements, but the system still has some pretty big flaws in it, and the flaws are brain-snappingly stupid. Back in November, for …

Well…He’s Definitely Driving Something. Book Him

60-year-old man charged after having sex in a car across from the station: Brant OPP I’m not saying this fella is among the best and the brightest or anything (there are better places for sex than in a car in a parking lot across from a police station), but if there’s no mention of him …

Don’t Run With Scissors, Jimmy. Snort Them Instead

Excuse me, but why do these exist? pic.twitter.com/xL0SYEeR1R — Geekygirlforever (@scifichick25) September 27, 2019 Seriously, what in the actual hell is this and how did it ever go beyond the wouldn’t it be funny if…stage? Another fun and innovative product from Westcott! Sniffs are the first and only scented kids’ scissors, sure to make crafts, …

The Car Broke Down! What Do We Do!? I Know, Let’s Call Lyft Your Stuff

This should be your typical Master Criminals tale. Two thieves are caught in the act, they try to flee but can’t because their getaway car has other plans, but then, instead of taking off on foot, they decide to hang out and call someone else for a ride. Indeed, this ought to nestle neatly into …

The Only Way To Stop A Good Guy With A Key Is A Good Guy With A Gun

It’s bad enough that this woman shot her own daughter because she came home unexpectedly, but just look at this horseshit. Chief Norman said he tried to think of what advice to give in such a difficult case, “If you realize someone has a gun for protection, and they’re not expecting you — announce yourself when …

Only Possible Thing That Could Have Happened Happens

I’m not sure how much to read into this, but it has to mean something, right? It certainly makes me think twice about praising Doug Ford’s decision making skills, and if people are somewhat less inclined to take the government’s advice after this it’s not hard to understand why. This is pretty much the last …

I’m Lynn Beyak, And I Approved This Message. Wait, No I Didn’t. My Mistake

God, don’t you just hate it when you accidentally claim to live in a town and country you don’t live in and write down the incorrect occupation on a form and then wind up donating to Donald Trump’s re-election campaign in violation of American campaign finance laws? That’s what happened to Senator Lynn Beyak who, …

How Much Is That Baggie In The window

Nice throw, chief. Stephanie Dowdy, 33, was behind the wheel of a Honda Civic that was pulled over late last night after a cop spotted the vehicle traveling in the middle of a roadway in West Monroe (where Dowdy resides). While approaching from the Honda’s passenger side, a deputy was struck in the leg by …

Where’s My Remote Control

Would you call 911 if you lost your remote control? Someone did. Before we load up the shame cannon and rain scorn down upon this poor sap, I feel like we need the answer to a question that goes unanswered here. What was he stuck watching? If there’s an acceptable reason why the little buttons …

And The Award For New Dumbest Fraud That Apparently Actually Works Goes To…

I’m struggling to figure out how this scam works. Not because of its extreme level of sophistication or anything like that, but because try as I might, I can’t imagine a scenario in which even as a naive high school student I could manage to be this much of a maroon. City police fraud detectives …