Help GDB Get A New Puppy Truck

I just thought I’d throw this out there because maybe it would help.

Long story time. At intervals that I don’t really know or understand, GDB’s puppy truck goes from town to town, giving new little poop-making furry bundles of joy and house-destroying potential to puppy raisers so they can spend the next 14-16 months turning them into well-behaved dogs who are used to being out in public. . The puppy truck also picks up dogs that are ready to go back to the school for their formal guide dog training. From time to time, there are retired guide dogs on the truck being taken to their new adoptive homes.

Back in early January, the puppy truck was involved in an accident when another truck smashed into it. I guess the accident was pretty major, because the retired guide dog on the truck died in the accident, the driver broke his pelvis and suffered other serious injuries, and the school needs a new puppy truck. Luckily, all the other puppies got out ok, but it’s still sad for that retired guide dog’s x-handler and her raisers who were going to take her back as a spoiled pet.

So, here comes the request. If anyone wants to donate some money to helping the school get a new puppy truck, you can do so by giving to the Guide Dogs for the Blind Heroes fund. If doing it online isn’t your thing, you can send your donation to:
Guide Dogs for the Blind
P.O. Box 3950 San Rafael, CA 94912-3950 and specify that it is for the Heroes Fund.
Or, give them a call at 1-800-295-4050 and tell them you want to give to the Heroes fund.

I’m trying to put the word out there, since the fund is staying kind of well-hidden, and I don’t think that’s what they want. Let’s help them get a new puppy truck!

The 30 Dumbest Videogame Titles Ever

I don’t play a lot of videogames, but I do know funny when I see it, and this is pretty funny.

Spanky’s Quest
Super Nintendo – 1991

Premise: Spanky is a monkey with balls. Throwing these balls is his way of attacking enemies, and at the end of each level there’s a boss. All very traditional, all very entertaining.

But come on! Spanky the monkey? Japanese developer Natsume — most famous now for its Harvest Moon titles — was either disastrously fond of Western euphemisms, or simply terrible at picking innocent game names. Would you pick Spanky the monkey off the shelf for your kids?  

Touch Dic
Nintendo DS – 2005

Premise: More a tool than a game, Touch Dic is a dictionary and translation title for the Nintendo DS, using the console’s touch-happy stylus.

We want to say this is a game-naming FAIL, but we just can’t. It’s from Korea and is now on the shelves as Touch Dictionary. But we’ll never forget the day our pals at GameSpot first told us there was a game called Touch Dic… happy, happy times.

How To Be A Complete Bastard
ZX Spectrum, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC – 1987

Premise: Invade a party for rich folks and demonstrate your boyish skills of being a complete and utter git, by for example loosening the screws on the handles of the disabled toilet.

This wonderfully tasteless game was always for the Bart Simpsons of the world. Nothing similar has ever really been made since this game was released — if it were, the combined uproar from Fox News and the Daily Mail would wipe out life on Earth. A classic retro game to check out if you ever get chance.

Somebody please tell me you’ve played a few of these.

My God, He Was Serious!

Ok, the first weird thing about this story is the story itself. You know your principal has flipped his lid when he calls a meeting of science teachers and says “get those standardized test scores up or I will kill you all and then myself. You don’t know how ruthless I can be.” What’s double weird is the Dalass Morning News has pulled all evidence of it, and it’s only two days old. I had to grab it from a google cache of the story. If you type the principal’s name into google, it doesn’t find him. Has he disappeared? Isn’t it standard when an error is made to correct it, not pull the whole story as if it never existed? Or was an error made? I don’t even know. Creepy stuff.

Ouch, My Nipples Hurt Thinking About That!

Note to anyone interested: Don’t go to Lubbock Airport if you have nipple rings. If you do, and they set off the metal detector, you have to remove them,even if it means using pliers to get them off. Shiver shiver shiver! What possible danger could a nipple ring pose? If they know it’s a nipple ring, like if she shows it to a female officer in private which she offered to do, then why does she have to remove it? Shiver! Shiver! Goose bumps! Everywhere!

Do Joo Know Where Juno Came From?

Apparently, I’m a terminal loser and have been misspelling the name of that damn fake dog. It’s Juno! Woops! I’ve been given a correction!

I’m weird, and think about strange things sometimes. Well, from looking at the blog, I think that’s obvious. Anyway, my newest strange thing I thought about was the fake guide dog, AKA the instructor on the other end of a harness simulating dog movements, and how most schools call it Juno. I wondered where that came from, and how it came to be almost universal.

I turned to google, old buddy, and it didn’t know! So I asked a mailling list I’m on, and I heard something scary. Nobody really knows! The older guide dog users don’t know, the guide dog schools don’t know, nobody knows! It’s just become something that exists, and nobody knows why. I think it’s kind of sad that something that’s a huge part of guide dog training has lost its factual roots.

And then part of me wonders why I bothered to look. It’s simple. I like to know stuff. But this one will stay a mystery. Has anyone been given a reason for the selection of the name Juno?

Pointless Quiz Of The Day

What is your chocolate personality?

I’m posting this because we haven’t had a time-wasting quiz in a while and because I was surprised to find that it was actually right.

Your chocolate personality is: Medium Dark
You prefer dark chocolate but you occasionally eat milk chocolate.

There are only 5 questions and it takes maybe 2 minutes tops. Have fun, and feel free to post results if you wanna.

The Babs Journal: Day 13 (May 21, 2005)

Well I’m tired today…started off tired.

My dog has strange habits. Did I tell you she likes to lick my jeans? She also likes to try and sniff my crotch, especially while I’m getting dressed. Really, not necessary there Babs. A little too personal for me thanks.

This morning it seemed Babs needed a little more love and attention than usual. She’s a funny girl. When I took my morning pills, I took her to her bed and told her to stay and she did.

Oh another cool thing she did this morning was I forgot to grab my food whistle when I was coming to feed her. But she sat and waited while I went to get the whistle. Yes! She’s not testing me that way
anymore. She’s still playing the leash game, but we’ll get over that one.

We’re going out early for a group walk. Heehee wow! Mom and dad said they’d take student Tim with us for lunch if he wanted to come. I have to get instructions from instructor Tim about how to get here from Renfrew.

Another funny thing Margery says is warsh instead of wash. It kills me whenever I hear her say it. Warsh. Hahaha. Well I should probably get my hair into something a little more presentable. Rat’s nest just doesn’t appeal.

That was cool, for the most part. Even got a comment from a passer-by that she’s the cutest guide dog he’s ever seen. The only booboo, major one anyway, was this one street crossing which was a fine example of my screwuppitude. I was pulling my dog out into the street! I thought she was being a real sniffer, so I was like straight. She wouldn’t have any of it…dragged me back onto the sidewalk.

On the way down, she was sweet awesome cool. Focused as focused could be, sat at the curbs, was a doll.

I have to stop here, and talk about the sitting at curbs thing. Why why why why why why did they make handlers tell the dogs to sit at the curb? If we didn’t know the curb was there, how are we supposed to issue a command for it? Dumb. Dumb dumb! This applies to steps down as well. Triple dumb!

Then we did a back turn and she thought she’d just diddle around. Sniff sniff try and lead me up driveways, refused to sit at curbs, went past one curb, sniffed the other dogs’ butts cause we were all out together, and then because of all that, when it felt like she was going more left than straight, I was pulling her right. Dumb dumb. But she was stronger than me and got me up onto the sidewalk. Then I heard Tim, “Give your dog lots of praise cause she was right.”

Next time, she did try to pull way too far to the left. But I was a lot less hard on her and just sorta waved my hand and said straight. We got to the other side. Wow. That was damn cool.

Poor Margery though, she could only go the first 8 blocks and then she had to sit on the bus bench
and wait for us to come get her. Instructor Tim is a smart man. he put her at the back. We all got up to the corner and then we waited for her.

There was one street where my legs hurt like a son of a bitch. I wonder if my feet have changed shape or something because my orthotics seem to be bugging me. Damn it I don’t wanna have to make an appointment with the foot people. They’re a pain.

Right now Margery’s out free running her dog. Then we eat lunch and then I think we free run our dogs and then at 2 student Tim gets to talk to Willow’s walkers, and then we go on a walk I think and then Sharon calls Charity’s puppy walkers…and then we have supper.

We also weighed the dogs. He didn’t tell me the weights. I wanna know I wanna know. They say when they first get home they lose weight cause of all the stress. Good to know.

But my poor Babs only gained weight. I think it was because of all her tumours.

After I took her out to poop, and according to Tim she pooped and peed, yippee, I brought her back here and gave her some water. Oh she was happy to see water. Such a thirsty girl.

Oh we stopped at Timmy Ho’s and I got a small French Vanilla capachino. Student Tim bought the coffees. I was like aww you’re so sweet. I owe Sharon some money from the cheesecake..and the groceries…and the anka gift. Did I mention that we got the Anka gift pretty much bagged? We decided to get the mug and coffee and then get the chocolate as well. So got the mug and the coffee last night.

Wow Babs is flopped out. She was so vocal this morning. It was so cute. Well that’s about it for now. I got directions on how to get to this place from Renfrew so I better email those off before I forget.

Anka continues to crack us up. Sharon said something about going to cry in her room. Anka said, “that’s alright, in my country, if someone cry, we say, that’s alright, means less to pee.”

This afternoon was interesting. After lunch, instructor Tim’s wife and son showed up and ate lunch with us. His son is cute. Maybe 6 or so. Babs loved him. She ran over to him and tried to say hi. I felt bad having to hold her back.

Listen, past newby self, don’t feel bad. That was your problem. You felt bad about controlling her. She shouldn’t have reared up on her hind legs to kiss the little guy, whether she knew him or not. Not cool, not cool!

Eventually I did get her to settle. After lunch, he told Margery how her puppy walking tea would work. You come in with your dog, and then Sue takes the leash and gives it to the puppy walkers and lets the dog be silly for a while. After a while, they hand the leash back to you and you talk about stuff and there ya go. I guess we all get puppy walker thank you cake. Mmm…puppy walker thank you cake. I would have loved to see Babs’s reaction to seeing her puppy walker.

Apparently, according to the scales, she’s 49 pounds. Didn’t I say before she was 52? He says that’s some kind of scale messuppitude so we have to re-weigh on Monday. He says they lose a pound, but not 3 or 4, and all the dogs seem to have lost 3-5 pounds.

Then after lunch I tweaked the directions for mom and dad. Before I did that, the dog played a new leash game. I gave her her bone, and she had nothing to do with it until I picked up the leash. Then the bone was a great toy. Then I took the bone away. No more of that crap.

After lunch and the email, I took her out for a poop. We waited for student Tim to finish up his call, and then we all took off, except for Margery because she had her puppy walkers coming. Off we went for a walk in the rain. Yick. Wore my rain coat, should have worn my rain pants, but didn’t.

We walked down and crossed three streets, then turned and walked and crossed three more, then turned, crossed two more, then turned and got to the next down-curb and turned and said “find the bus,” and she did.

Some minor screwuppitude on my part, made her sit at what I thought was a curb and it was a driveway. Woops. Was nervous on a crossing, but it went ok, she sniffed to beat the band, but what can ya expect after the rain?

Actually, from Babs, you can expect complete and utter loopitude, including but not limited to: extra sniffing, not walking in a straight line, not getting back up on the sidewalk, and other horrors. You would learn this when you got home.

Jesus murphy my legs hurt like sons of bitches. Holy man alive. I don’t know what’s happening. I need these suckers looked at cause this is nutty crazy wacked out. I was dying at one block, so much so that I made her sit.

Oh man. At one point, after Instructor Tim said “jeepers,” both Sharon and I said, “twist?” Then we all started laughing. Sharon got to hear Margery say “Damn sam.” She busted up right in front of her.

Now I’m waiting to free run Babs…yick she’ll be a muddy muddy mucky mess. She already smells like wet dog. I toweled her off some, but it was hard.

This was funny. After our afternoon walk, the routine is poop, feed, poop, lounge, right? Well I thrrew her for a loop today because she’s going for a free run so you can’t feed her for like an hour after the run, and certainly not just before. So I took her for a poop, and just for good measure, I kept telling her to steady. Well, that was necessary because she was trying to rip my left arm off. But I was slowing her down, etc. I took her into the room after her poop, well I don’t think she did jack diddly because she was so bent she was going to get food. We came in here full speed, I was trying to stop her so I could take the collar off etc. She ran straight for the dish…which only had water. I’ve never seen her put the brakes on so fast. Oo she was so disappointed. I just stood there and laughed. I felt sick for laughing, but it was just so funny. I took the leash off, I think she’s so confused. Poor thing. So confused. Man that was funny. She would not even take her bone. I offered it to her, she sniffed it and threw it down. It’s llike, “are you trying to trick me? Is this food? You asshole! How dare you!?!?”

I think that’s about it. I felt a little slow on the afternoon rain walk cause at one corner, instructor Tim said, “Tim and Sharon have already made their turns. Go ahead and make yours.” I felt like Margery. I asked Sharon, was I jeepers twist slow? cause we had to wait a good long time for her, and she’s like no. Don’t know if I believe her. We’ll see what student Tim says, I think he’ll be honest.

This is the point where I look at the reflection of my past, raise my open palm, slap that face and yell “shame on you! Shame on you for being such a catty, shallow, stupid human being! What does it matter if you were Margery slow, or if she was slow for the love of Pete. She was 72. I think she had earned the right to walk that slow. Why would you sink to that level of under-handedness? You are better than that, and you know that! This isn’t a competition. You’re all trying to get a dog. Get over your insecure self and get on with the task at hand!”

Well Margery’s puppy walkers just finished up. Arg Sharon’s at the phone! Why isn’t instructor Tim coming back for me? come on I wanna free run. Gotta take my play collar and the whistle.

Oh, tired. Free ran her. We took her out into the paddock with the whistle in pocket. First you do obedience so you know pooch will come when you call. No listening, no free run. Then you keep walking to keep the dog checking in. Well first you take her into the paddock, with the leash still on her, you put the play collar on. Then you take the leash off and hold onto the collar. Then you say “free” and give her a shove. She should take off. At first she just sniffs around. Then she takes off like a shot. From time to time you whistle at her and have her come, but that doesn’t mean the walk’s over. We gave her a piece of kibble each time she came and praised her like mad. You have to keep moving. Then at the end, you put the leash on, grab the collar off her and lead her home. She didn’t wanna leave. Brought her in and went to take her out for a poop but Tim stopped me. He showed me how to leash-relieve her.

We interrupt this program to look at the day number on this. Day 13. I would be going home in six days, and just now, I am starting to leash relieve. At no time would I be supervised to be told what my dog was doing. I would have to figure this out all by myself.

So we start that tomorrow morning. you move the d clip up to the other ring so she has a longer leash. Then you take her out and then say “busy busy.” She peed and I didn’t even feel her sit. Didn’t have a clue. He showed me where the bags are. So tomorrow morning, I will groggily pick up poop. It begins. I hope I’m half decent at it.

God my feet are sore. Ouchy ouchy papa.

Anka really doesn’t like the f word. Every time she absolutely needs to use it, like if it’s in a story, there is a long pause and then she says, I’m sorry, I have to say…and then she says it. She’s really cute. I think she’s afraid to swear around Margery, or “mrs. Margery” as she calls her.

Tired, sore, sore, tired. Ouch ooch eech. I think I’m going to drag myself to the computer and check email for real. Not much more can happen tonight. Might try and make some calls…maybe I should do laundry and get it over with before tomorrow. Na. I’ll do it after mom and dad are gone.

Ya sure you wanna do that?

And I still have to groom this one. We did obedience already as prep for free run so I won’t bother her with that. Sore and tired, tired and sore.

Here’s What I Think Of Your Stupid Water Bill.

I have learned several things from this article about a man trying to pay a water bill with a cheque written on toilet paper. They are:

  1. Don’t piss off Ron Borgna. If he doesn’t agree with you, he will fight to the end, and so he should.
  2. The town of Binghamton has a lot of pricks in city hall. I hear you saying, “What’s your point.” I’m getting there. Despite the fact that his water bill was four times what it usually is, and they can find no earthly reason for the increase in usage, they’ll make him pay the bill.
  3. It is possible to write out a cheque on a t-shirt if you can show proof that you have the money in the account. What would be weird is cashing that cheque. The only apparent reason they wouldn’t take the shit ticket cheque was because toilet paper can easily be destroyed.
  4. The town of Binghamton is going to be spending a lot of time rolling coins if Ron Borgna has his way, i.e. paying the 2000-dollar bill in change. He has decided to pay it because if he doesn’t, it’s going to screw up his property taxes. To this I say, ha ha ha ha ha Binghamton. That’s what you get for being unreasonable.