Total Nonstop Yacktion

Last Updated on: 26th July 2021, 06:08 am

I have a question for anybody who watches Impact as it happens on TV. How do you do it? Between all of the yammering in the ring, all of the yammering backstage, all of the recap videos and the commercials, I can’t pull it off. I either overload my brain trying to follow everything that’s happening while simultaneously getting angrier and angrier about how dumb most of it is and how little actual wrestling I’m seeing causing myself to shut down and fall asleep, or I get distracted during the spots where nothing of any great importance is going on and then, because things happen so fast, I miss something that would maybe help me understand a small portion of the illogical brainbarf that is most of the booking…which then makes everything else hard to follow which makes me angry and you know the rest. For me, Impact is a show that even when it’s good is impossible to watch without a fast-forward button.

It’s also nice to have a rewind button handy now and then for moments like the one I just saw on the Christmas episode. Yes, I’m that far behind, but in my defence, who could possibly want to stay current on this wretched, wretched program?

Let me set the scene for you. Mike Tenay is doing a sit down interview with Jeff Jarrett about the match he’s got coming up with Kurt Angle. I will stop and say one nice thing about TNA here. As far as storylines go, this is a pretty good one, nice and easy to understand. Angle brings Jarrett out of retirement after making him angry enough to want to fight him. Jarrett wins the match, retires again and goes back to helping run TNA, the company that his family started. In his mind, he’s shut Angle up and proven his point. Angle doesn’t like this, and tries to convince him to fight again. He can’t do it and can’t do it and can’t do it until he finally pushes Jarrett too far again, leading us to where we are now. Tenay is going over all of this, and that’s where the fun begins.

“Jeff I’ve known you for a long time and I know you pretty well,” he says. “And I realize that you really had no intention of ever getting back into the ring as an active competitor. As the founder of TNA, working behind the scenes, to advance this company, to grow it to greater heights…But boy, it just hasn’t worked out that way, has it?”

I watched that no less than five times, and laughed my ass off each and every one of them. I know what he was going for, but watching it it came off a lot more like my how you’ve failed to grow this company into something anybody would take seriously than I know you thought your wrestling days were through. I’ll go so far as to call this the best unintentional comedy in TNA history. And if you’ve followed this company at all or even if you’ve just read my other posts about them, you know the ground that covers.

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