I Feel Like I Am One With Chicken Tonight, Chicken Tonight

Last Updated on: 6th June 2022, 05:42 am

PETA: “Listen, Mr. Governor of Louisiana guy, there’s no need to spend $20 million to help start up a new chicken processing plant in the state. That money could be better spent on a“Chicken Empathy Museum”.

Mr. Governor Of Louisiana Guy: “Um…how bout no?”

Steve: “Looks like I’ve found me something to post this afternoon.”

Just what is a Chicken Empathy Museum, you wonder. Well, according to a PETA spokescrazy, it would feature, among things, a “chicken cage-like playscape for the children that would show how cramped conditions are for the chickens.”

Sounds swell!

And when your brats have had all the fun they can handle there, they can always move on to the restaurant to enjoy some fake meat.

“We did plan to serve faux chickens, vegetarian chickens made from healthy plant protein in the museum restaurant, along with an array of other tasty vegetarian food.”

I believe it is at this point that all of the wackiness about empathy museums starts obscuring the real story, that being that somebody has invented tasty vegetarian food. Seriously, how can anybody of sound mind stomach that crap? Hell, some people argue that I am not of sound mind, and I sure as shit can’t do it.

But wait, there’s more!

“It would have an educational display highlighting facts about chickens,” Ashley said. “They’re intelligent animals with mental capabilities that are comparable to cats, dogs and even primates. In nature, mother hens cluck to their unborn chicks who chirp back from their shells.”

Is it even worth mentioning that out in reality, a place to which PETA members have taken not a single journey, people eat dogs, cats, and even primates?

And when your day is complete, there’s no need to visit the gift shop, because you get a free souvenir.

“As a gift from PETA, part of our proposal was that each visitor 12 years old and younger would have a plush chicken toy with a tag reading, ‘I am not a nugget,’ ” Ashley said.

This, without question, is the most accurate PETA statement I have ever read, since nuggets generally aren’t made out of felt and foam. Then again, having eaten at McDonalds…never mind. These people are still completely full of shite. Oh well, I tried.

As fun as these nutcakes are to write about, it would be awesome if they would all, as a service to society, voluntarily go and sleep withthe sea kittens.

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