A Real Girlfriend I Have Not, And It’s Been On My Mind, I’ll Stick My Hand Inside My Pants, And Play With What I Find

Last Updated on: 26th September 2013, 03:21 pm

For future reference, none of the following are good explanations when the police catch youstaring through a woman’s apartment window while masturbating with your hands in your pants through the front zipper.

• I’m spying on my ex-girlfriend.
• She’s a co-worker of mine and man, I’d really like to score myself a date with her.

or even this, which turned out to be his real story…

• I haven’t had a girlfriend in a really long time and I’ve never met this woman before, but she’s a big help in the masturbating department.

Floridian Juan Miguel Cuadra, 35, was booked into the Broward County jail on indecent exposure, voyeurism, and loitering charges on New Year’s Day, but later released on a $100 cash bond. No word on future court appearances or dates so far, but we’ll keep you posted.