Let’s Hope They Never Hear About Staplers

Last Updated on: 28th September 2012, 09:18 am

Another day, another object with which the citizens of the United Kingdom cannot be trusted.

Staff at Manchester’s National Health Services have been ordered to stop using metal paper fasteners after a staff member got a boo boo on his wittle finger winger. Yes, those round things you use to hold paper together have been deemed too complicated for a segment of the British populace. Better yet, it’s the same segment that’s trusted with surgical equipment. Makes sense.

The email sent out to workers said: “Due to recent incidents NHS Manchester has decided to immediately withdraw the use of metal paper fasteners.

“Please ensure that any that remain in use should now be replaced by similar plastic fasteners. The use of these metal fasteners is prohibited and must be carefully disposed of immediately. Thank you for your co-operation.”

A picture of a fastener was attached to the memo.

I’m glad they included a photo. You know how complicated rings can be.

What I want to know is if they’ve banned the fasteners, when are they going to get around to banning paper? That stuff is the real problem. Anyone who’s ever had a paper cut can tell you that. Those things bleed for days, and who wants their office mates bleeding on them?

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