Before You Leave, Make Sure You Flush, I Know You Shouldn’t Be Here, But Don’t Be In A Rush

Last Updated on: 7th October 2013, 10:38 am

This is why your mom always told you to flush the toilet when you were done. Well ok, maybe not this specifically because I doubt your mom anticipated she’d be raising a criminal fool, but it would be pretty embarrassing to have your dumb ass hauled in for first-degree burglary because you didn’t listen to her, wouldn’t it, Charles Marqull Williams?

On Jan. 23, 2012, a burglary was reported at 1509 SE 47 Place. The burglar apparently relieved himself in a toilet, leaving behind unflushed feces and a used piece of toilet paper on the floor, according to the probable cause affidavit.
A DNA test on the toilet paper matched Williams, the affidavit states.

I guess somebody didn’t pay attention during throw your used shit tickets *into* the toilet class either, which is just friggin gross. That should be a jailable offense on its own, really.

For future reference, here’s a short instructional film on proper toilet use.

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