Don’t Dink And Drive

If for whatever reason you’re still not on board with the fining people for driving while focused on pretty much anything but driving thing, perhaps Clifford Ray Jones will change your mind. Not because of anything profound he may have to say on the subject, but rather through what he won’t be saying due to his currently being dead. Embarrassingly, embarrassingly dead.

A Detroit man who died early Sunday in a one-car crash was pantsless and masturbating while watching a pornographic movie on his cell phone,
according to police who investigated the accident.
The rollover crash occurred around 3:40 AM as motorist Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was driving a 1996 Toyota on a freeway near Interstate 75.
Michigan State Police officials report that Jones became “distracted” while watching the film and lost control of the car, which overturned.

They also reported that Jones, who I remind you was wearing neither pants nor a seat belt, was partially ejected through the sun roof and died at the scene.

Let that last bit stew in your brain between texts for a moment. He was killed right there. He never got the chance to explain why he was wearing no pants, why he was driving the old stick shift, why he was watching porn which may have still been playing while wearing no pants while driving the old stick shift or even to attempt to remedy any of those situations. To somebody he’ll always be good ‘ol Cliffie, but to most of us he’s going to be the naked dead porn guy. Is that what you want for yourself? No? Well then, put down the fucking phone and keep your eyes on the goddamn road.

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