What Are You Doing? I’m Confessing To A Crime, What Does It Look Like I’m Doing? Go Back To Bed

Not many details here, but this sort of effort is a clear sign that you’re either in the fuck it, I don’t care anymore and am about to retire from the life of crime phase or that maybe it’s an I never really wanted this job in the first place thing.

Barrie police say a thief was nabbed by officers after he stopped to wash his hands inside a home.
They say a man woke up last night to find a stranger in his home, washing up.
When asked what he was doing, the suspect said he was cleaning up after siphoning gas from vehicles on the property — so the homeowner called police.

I know we regularly make fun of people for lying about their motivations and that generally speaking honesty is the best policy, but come on, man. At least try.

A 53-year-old man now faces several charges including break and enter and theft under $5,000. If past performance is an indication, I’m sure he’ll be launching a vigorous defense any day now.

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