Get Off My Lawn!

I’m not sure this makes Gill an old person, honestly. A kid lipping off his parents in public has always mortified me/made me contemplate donating the little prick a full scholarship to Roger Stephens University. My mom is a lovely, extremely patient woman who I’m not sure I’ve ever seen hit anyone, but even as a child I knew that if I dared talk to her that way in the candy aisle that my teeth would be winding up in housewares. It was just not what you did, even if you weren’t the perfect child.

If I do have an old person trait, I think it’s my aversion to loud bars. I’ve never liked them. Unless I have come to your establishment specifically to see a band, play your music at a reasonable volume so I can hear myself think and converse with my friends. Otherwise, what am I doing there? I can drink and play loud music for much less money at home, and the only drunken arsehole I’ll have to deal with at the end of the night is me.

“I figured I had a vision problem when I was giving the wrong child a whoopin.”  A quote from my friend Kathlene.

Little Timmy’s Video Game

Several years back I was at a mall when I heard this awful sound.  This child was just cussing out his/her mom over some violent video game.  I thought about what would happen if I even dreamed of talking that way to my folks. There would be a stone  reading Gillian Rose Ardiel October 24 1979-sometime in 1986/87.  There would also be a death certificate stating “cause of death back talk.”  But do you know what happened?  Rosemary placated their charming demon spawn.


What old person moment have you had?

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