Christmas Carol Lyrics You Won’t Hear At The Mall

I saw this the other day and I wasn’t sure if I was going to post it. Then I was walking around the Christkindl Market and listening to carols, and my mind was converting them to these ones…so I decided it needed a spot.

I guess this showed up on Jimmy Kimmel Live last year. I just saw it now. I’m late to the party. I’m still laughing. And hey, they even mentioned this old favourite.

Copying the words out because the autogenerated captions suuuuuuuuuck!

We’ve seen a lot of videos of people saying ridiculous things at county board meetings lately, but this one is special, because this one has a holiday twist. This happened at a meeting of the San Diego board of supervisors this week. Somebody got a little…Mariah Carried away.
(music) horribly off-key woman: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, just body autonomy.
I don’t care about the variants, because of natural immunity.

Kimmel: It’s like Karen Caraoke…

Off-key woman: Ivermectin not just horse paste,
and hydroxychloroquine
Vitamin C and Vitamin D
then the zinc and Quercetin.
I won’t wear a useless mask
I don’t need to stay at home…(music fades out)
Kimmel: Maybe you need to stay in a home it sounds like…but Karenmania has been sweeping this country for the last two years and here in Hollywood, there’s a new musical right across the street from us. It’s called “A Christmas Karen.” They’re doing like 18 shows a week, they’re right next door to the Marshalls, and joining us now to give us a sample of what they do, please welcome the original cast of “A Christmas Karen.

(music) Jingle bells, jingle bells, who’s jingling bells today?
I swear to God I’m gonna call the ***damn HOA (end music)

Kimmel: That’s right, doing classics like this. O Christmas Tree.

(music) Stop filming me, stop filming me. I don’t want to go viral.
Stop filming me, stop filming me, as I start to spiral.
I’m screaming in the parking lot.
Put on a mask? I think not.
Stop filming me, stop filming me! I’ll lose my job at Michaels. (end music)

Kimmel: And the beloved song “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.”

(music) I swear that I’m not a racist,
I swear that I’m not a racist,
I swear that I’m not a racist.
I have a black friend. (end music)

Kimmel: “Hark the Harold Angels sing.”

(music) Hark the Karen angels sing,
We did not do anything.
We just wanted a refund
from pants we bought in ’91.
If you give your boss a call,
we will picket this whole mall!
Just shut up and take it back!
We spend a lot of money at Nordstrom Rack. (end music)

Kimmel: Well who doesn’t?
“Deck the Halls”

(music) Deck my Facebook wall with bull***. fa la la la la, la la la la
This meme is fake but I’ll still push it. fa la la la la, la la la la
The vaccine will give you rabies. fa la la la la, la la la la
Democrats like eating babies. fa la la la la, la la la la. (end music)

Kimmel: Could there possibly be more? Why yes, there are! Auld Lang Syne!

(music) I don’t know what Auld Lang Syne means. It sounds like a muslim prayer.
If I hear you sing it, I’ll call Ice and deport you all, I swear! (end music)

Kimmel: And who could forget the Christmas classic “Carol of the bells”?

(music) How dare you ask I wear a mask?
In I will barge. Who is in charge?
I’ve come here for years, now I’m in tears.
I just want to shop. I’m calling the cops.
Ring, ring ring ring. I break everything.
Starting to scream, causing a scene.
I cough in your face, and blame your race.
In come the cops, tell me to stop.
Still I protest, under arrest.
I start to fight. I know my rights.
I’m in a daze, and acting crazed.
Hands I will raise. Now I’ve been tazed.
Merry Merry (zap) Merry Merry…aaaa…aaaa…aaaa…aaaaa…aaaaa…….(end music)

Kimmel: Wow. Thanks. Karens, that was beautiful!…

And apparently, a year later, A Christmas Karen is an actual movie! I kind of want to see it!


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