How Does This Work? Do I Get 20% Off?

At the best of times, the entire concept of tipping is nearly 100% bullshit. But business, as it so often does, has found a way to not only hit 100% bullshit on that scale, but also to redefine what maximum bullshit percentages even are.

That’s right, they’re asking for tips at self-checkouts now.

The Wall Street Journal reports that tipping at self-checkout has come to airports, stadiums, cookie shops, and cafes, with some prompts requesting a firm 20% tip. Self-checkout kiosks have famously negated the need for a face-to-face human interaction, so the prompt to tip seemingly nobody has left some consumers confused and frustrated.

“Just the prompt in general is a bit of emotional blackmail,” said 26-year-old Garrett Bemiller to the Journal.
According to the outlet, Bemiller was purchasing a bottle of water at Newark International Liberty Airport in Newark, New Jersey. Choosing the self-checkout line allowed Bemiller to ignore the hullaballoo of dealing with another person within the stress-inducing confines of an airport. However, Bemiller was gobsmacked to see tip amounts amended to the already lofty price of an airport water bottle. In a similar case, 28-year-old Corey Gary was prompted to leave a tip at a self-service beer fridge in San Diego’s Petco Park. Gary told the Journal that he wasn’t clear where the money was going, but left 20% anyway.

Corey! Garrett! What are you even doing, ya jackasses!? I know you’re being part of the problem, but what else are you doing? Unless there is literally no escape from leaving a tip short of putting your items back and walking away, you’ve sent the exact wrong signal to these companies. Stop being babies. There is no emotional blackmail involved in telling a machine to get fucked. Yes, someone had to fill those fridges with water and beer. But you’re not doing wrong by those people by refusing to tip. Their bosses are the ones at fault for creating the sorts of labour conditions that force workers to rely on the generosity of randos to make ends meet. The baseball stadium is not a charity, much as it wants you to believe otherwise. Stop falling for this crap, everyone.

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