It’s been a while since i’ve posted one and I know how much some of you like these, so here’s a Steve’s mom joke to start your day. All arrivals in heaven go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who records each applicant’s fatal activities …
Category Archives: jokes
Funeral Arrangements
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them. Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”
The One Where I Tell You To Vote And Then Ramble About Other Things For A While
I’ll warn you right off the top that this post might be even more disjointed and sucky than usual. I’m a bit distracted by the pain in my right foot and it’s making me cranky. The thing hates me, but if I were it and I’d been injured so many times by me, I’d probably …
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A Few Quick Jokes For Your Friday Afternoon
It’s been a little while, so here are a few random jokes that have been tossed my way recently. Sorry for the smaller batch. I haven’t been the best about saving the good ones these days. As usual, some are stupid, some you’ll laugh at, some might just get you a little upset. I’ll leave …
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Rogers: Canada’s Most Reliable Customer Ridicule Target
The news that Rogers is looking to start its own bank has gotten the world talking. Ok, so people aren’t so much talking as they are not knowing about it, ignoring it entirely or pointing and laughing, but bringing that up would kind of ruin my bit, so for our purposes the world is a …
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>Exercise With Your Dog
>Saw this on a couple of lists, laughed, so I thought it could have a place here. Exercising With Your Dog You’ve seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there’s no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything …
Termite
I just tweeted this, but I figure while I wait for everyone to unfollow me I might as well kill off the rest of the readership. After a long day of work, a termite walks into a saloon and asks the person behind the counter, “Is the bar tender here?”
Text Message Shorthand For The Elderly
I got a chuckle out of some of these, and I’m sure they’ll come in handy for a few of you. We’ve all seen the texting shortcuts used by kids — LOL (Laughing Out Loud), CUL8R (See You Later), etc. It’s time older folks got in on the action — yet our daily concerns are …
British Burgers
All hatemail resulting from this should be aimed squarely at Brad. A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,” says the husband. “But sir, what about the mad cow!?” asks the waiter. “Oh,” says the husband, “she’ll order for …
Photo Op
As much as I’d like to take credit for it, this one’s not my fault. Blame Brad. Got a phone call from a mate last night. He had just got back from a trip to London, and told me that whilst there he’d acquired a brand new top-of-the-range camera absolutely free. I asked, “Where did …