Every Name In This Story Is Amazingly Amazing

Everything about this story is glorious. A man was arrested for allegedly committing lewd acts in the parking lot of a truck stop called Love’s Travel Stop. It is located in the town of Kirkwood. The fellow’s name is Calvin E. Wank. And perhaps best of all, he lives in Deposit, which is a real …

Who’s Got A Bag Filled With All Our Stuff? Santa’s Got A Bag Filled With All Our Stuff!

So that’s where all the nifty stuff we get for Christmas comes from. A man is facing several charges after breaking into a home and making off with jewellery, cash, tools, alcohol, electronics, guns and ammunition. That man? Charles Santa. I hope the police aren’t too hard on him. He may have done it for …

Wastin’ Away Again In Publix Grocery Store

If this were just a guy drunkenly riding a motorized cart around a grocery store smashing into people and things as he went, I probably wouldn’t post it because it’s not my job to chronicle every single thing that happens on an average Florida Friday. And for the most part, that’s exactly what’s going on …

Just Try And Say This Name Without Laughing

Arrested for sexual battery is a man by the name of Phuc Kieu. This guy sounds creepy and gross and scary. I mean, he just ran up to a dude by an ATM, punched him in the mouth, took his money, then dragged him into his car, straddled him and tried to undress him! And …

All Terrain Does Not Include Fresh Concrete

Here’s a messed up one, mostly because I have no idea why this guy did what he did. It says here that Charles Cowart, for no discernable reason, rode an ATV onto a bridge under construction and caused all sorts of mayhem, including throwing cow feed at workers. Hee hee. His name is Cowart and …

Oh He Felt Good About It Alright!

These stories…I’m seeing them everywhere. I’m sure they are just as prevalent as before, but now I feel like they’re fired at my brain like guided missiles. This creepoid apparently lured women to come meet him for what they thought was a job interview. He found them on Kijiji, and set up the interviews. But …

Throwing Peters…In Jail

This is…different. Police in West Allis, a city outside Milwaukee, opened a criminal investigation last month when two 14-year-old girls reported that a male driver left a “giant purple dildo” in their path as they walked home one afternoon from a local park. The man was “just sitting there staring at them from his car …

Way To Be, Tipshit

Tempting as it may be, you’re not supposed to tip over a portable toilet to get someone out of it, officers. Four officers from the Memphis Police Department have been suspended after pushing over the portable potty. Inside was 31-year-old Joseph Hampton, whom the cops suspected of criminal trespass and evading arrest. As he stepped …