Secret Secret, I Got A Secret

I need to confess something, because the TV is slowly driving me insane. There’s this commercial that keeps playing “Mr. Roboto” by Styx, and every time it plays, I want to hide. Here is why.

Seven years ago, I was at one of the Toronto accessibility conferences. I attended a session about considering the elderly when designing websites. It was led by a Japanese fellow named Makoto Ueki. The one overarching thing I remember about his talk was this word mendokusai. If I remember it correctly, it means doable but difficult. He was talking about making websites less mendokusai for people who are older, might not see as well, might have less dexterity, less room for mentally-draining tasks, etc. He kept getting us to say the word, break it into syllables, repeat after him.

Then the end of the presentation came, and he said “domo arigato” because of course he did. He’s Japanese and that’s thank you very much in Japanese. But somehow I had missed that memo, and the only context I had for domo arigato was Mr. Roboto. And we had been doing call and response for the whole hour. And I was really getting into it. And…out of my mouth, at top volume came “Mr. Roboto!” …
…
And nobody else did that, because everyone else possesses a clue. Everyone else clapped, grabbed their things and went to the next session. I did too, but I wished the earth would swallow me whole. I also wondered what my immediate neighbours must have thought of me.

I googled for half a second and learned what I should have known all along…and felt like an even bigger dope. I had just made myself look like a giant idiot in front of all these people, and insulted the presenter too! Just frigging great!

He probably doesn’t remember that incident, but if he does, I just want to apologize and say that I really wasn’t trying to be a jerk. I just got so wrapped up in the call and response thing, and I legitimately didn’t know what those words meant, so I thought we must have to finish the only sentence I knew with those words in it…and out it came. Oops. Hopefully I will be able to slow down in the future so I won’t have more versions of this story to taunt me.

You Are Rainbows? That Ain’t Cool. Watch Us Ban You From The School


Administrators at an elementary school in Waukesha, Wisconsin, banned this nice song about living in a happy world where it’s ok to love everyone and to be who you are from being performed by first graders during a concert because rainbows are gay or some shit. Absolute moron James Sebert, who also serves as the school’s superintendent, barfed up a bunch of words about the potential social and personal impacts on the children and cited the board’s policy about not discussing controversial issues in class to spin things as not that, but I think we all know what he means. Just in case some of us don’t, this same hate-filled troop of goobers is also reported to have tried putting the hammer down on “Rainbow Connection” (yes, that “Rainbow Connection”), but eventually reversed that stance, thank Christ.

Sebert’s record also includes prohibiting rainbows and pride flags from being displayed in classrooms and suspending the school district’s equity and diversity work, so yeah, great guy all around.

First-grade teacher Melissa Tempel said she chose the song because its message seemed universal and sweet. The class concert’s theme was “The World” and included other songs such as “Here Comes the Sun,” by The Beatles and “What a Wonderful World,” by Louis Armstrong.
“My students were just devastated. They really liked this song and we had already begun singing it,” Tempel said Monday.
Administrators also initially banned the song “Rainbow Connection” from The Muppets but later reversed that decision, according to Tempel.

Parents have been angered by the song’s removal, Tempel said. But she was more concerned about what the ban and other district policies against expressing LGBTQ support meant for students.
“These confusing messages about rainbows are ultimately creating a culture that seems unsafe towards queer people,” she said.

I know I grew up in a time that had plenty of its own problems, but at least everyone who mattered did their best to teach us acceptance and the idea that a song about wanting a better world would somehow scar us all for life never crossed anyone’s mind. Or if it did, there were enough others with the good sense to shut it down before it got any further than that one rotted brain.

Here are the lyrics. Trigger warning: Positive vibes.

[Miley Cyrus & Dolly Parton:]
Livin’ in a rainbowland
Where everything goes as planned and I smile
‘Cause I know if we tried, we could really make a difference in this world
I won’t give up or sleep a wink
It’s the only thought I think
You know where I stand
I believe we can start livin’ in a rainbowland

Livin’ in a rainbowland
Where you and I go hand in hand
Oh, I’d be lyin’ (I’d be lyin’), if I said this was fine
All the hurt and the hate going on here (hate going on here)
We are rainbows, me and you
Every color, every hue
Let’s shine through
Together we can start livin’ in a rainbowland

Living in a rainbowland
Where skies are blue and things are grand
Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to live in paradise
Where we’re free to be exactly who we are
Let’s all dig down deep inside
Brush the judgement and fear aside
Make wrong things right (all things right), and end the fight
‘Cause I promise ain’t nobody gonna win
(C’mon)

Livin’ in a rainbowland
Where you and I go hand in hand
Oh, I’d be lyin’ (I’d be lyin’), if I said this was fine
All the hurt and the hate going on here (hate going on here)
We are rainbows, me and you
Every color, every hue
Let’s shine through
Together we can start livin’ in a rainbowland

Livin’ in a rainbowland
Where you and I go hand in hand together (let’s do it together)
Change things forever (forever)
I know there’s got to be a greener plan
We are rainbows, me and you
Every color, every hue
Let’s shine through (shine my head)
Together we can start livin’ in a rainbowland

Update:
Melissa Tempel, the teacher quoted above, was placed on administrative leave by the school district after speaking out about the ban. Land of the free and whatnot.

As the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports, Tempel has declined to comment on the matter, instead pointing to a statement from the Alliance for Education in Waukesha, a group of Waukesha parents asking for an investigation into superintendent James Sebert on claims that he discriminates against LGTBQ+ students and staff.

“This Superintendent and Board began the march toward marginalization last year, and it has only served to stoke fear and sow distrust in the Waukesha Community, which has yielded a pattern of bullying against anyone who calls out the district’s bias and harassment,” their statement reads. “Now Waukesha is a national laughingstock and the blame for that falls squarely to the feet of the district’s leadership, not those who have the courage to hold them accountable, like Ms. Tempel.”

Sleep, Drink, Sleep Again

As far as I know, I have no plans to visit Japan anytime soon. But if that changes, I know exactly where I’m staying regardless of which part of the country I’m supposed to be in.

Located in Shizuoka City, The Villa & Barrel Lounge just opened up this summer. The company behind it, though, West Coast Brewing, had already established itself as one of Japan’s most popular craft brewing operations, and the hotel is located right across the street from the brewery. So with such a short distribution line, each of the hotel’s five rooms is equipped with its own beer tap and a supply of 10 liters (338 ounces) of West Coat Brewing’s beer per night, free, for guests to enjoy. What’s more, it’s a specially made brew exclusive to the hotel room taps, and not available anywhere else.

10 liters works out to more than 17 pints, or more than 28 cans of beer, which might be more than you and your traveling companions can consumer during the course of a night, Not to worry. Any leftover beer in your allotment is yours to take home with you provided you have a growler.

When you want to reserve a room (I started to write if but let’s be serious) you can do that here. Shockingly, there are no rooms available as I write this.

Mister Chicken Is the Best, Most Annoying Thing

A while back, one of the nephews somehow came into a bit of his own money and decided he was going to buy himself a present. That present was a fair-sized and very loud rubber chicken from Canadian Tire. He named it Squawky, which no one who met him would argue was not a good choice.

Sadly, after only a few days in his forever home, poor old Squawky mysteriously disappeared. To my knowledge, he has not yet been located by either an adult having a weak moment or a child better at rooting up hidden treasure than that adult thinks. But should he ever return, I may offer to adopt him, because I kind of want to see if I can teach myself how to do…this.

And this.

And a bunch of these other things too.

I’m not an expert on the different sounds made by various brands of rubber chickens, but I’m pretty sure that our missing friend Squawky and the one in these videos have the same voice. Crap! Maybe it’s him!

And A One! And A Two! And A Ohmygod Watch Out For That Truck!

I may be wrong, but I’m going to go ahead and guess that the folks who decided that what the world could really use right now is a Karaoke machine for the car have never, at any point in any of their lives, spent a single moment trapped in an enclosed space with another human being. It sounds like it might be sort of fun for a few minutes until the novelty wears off, but what an awful, awful idea.

A company called Singing Machine has been working with Stingray (I assume the same Stingray that owns radio stations and is responsible for those music channels on your cable and satellite in Canada) to convince car manufacturers to include the system in their vehicles.

On the singer’s side, the device itself is just your average stick mic, but all the other systems would need to be built into the vehicle. This includes the karaoke menu and the ability to connect the mic to your speakers—Singing Machine is currently reaching out to car manufacturers about this.

Caras integrated with the Stingray will let users in the driver’s seat see lyrics on an internal screen, but only when the vehicle is in park. Otherwise, a passenger can connect to the car to get the lyrics on their phone when they’re in motion. These sort of safety features are perhaps why the device can’t just work on any car using, say, an Android app.
Of course, nothing stops users from passing the mic to the driver’s seat to go off songs by memory. Also, a driver could simply load the lyrics on their own phone while in motion.

No matter how hard they may try, I don’t think there’s any way to possibly make this safe. Not only for all the reasons mentioned above, but because what, aside from your own dwindling restraint, is going to stop you from strangling the first person who starts in on Let it Go or Baby Shark for the 34th time completely to death?

And did I mention that Singing Machine says that it can autotune and add other effects to your voice? Forget 34th. What I actually meant is 3rd or 4th.

But this is just the sort of thing that might be irresistible to car makers who are looking for every possible way to monetize aspects of the vehicle experience, so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before someone gives it a go. Just remember that singing along with the radio has always been free.

The Best News Bloopers Of June, 2023, So They Say


Maybe it’s today’s extra screwy sleep schedule (Carin had to be up at 2 in the morning which meant I did too), but I can’t say I enjoyed this round all that much. My highlight is the two anchors short circuiting while trying to get through the storm report, but your mileage may vary. I also may have to start using the term “crotch pocket”, so there’s also that.

Half-Pipe Joke Goes Here

I’m barely coordinated enough to do one of these things.

A Connecticut man wanted for exposing himself and masturbating while skateboarding to trail walkers has been nabbed by police.

Over the course of several days in mid-July, the Southington Police Department received complaints from community members in the area of the Rails to Trails of a man on a skateboard exposing himself to walkers on the trail, said Lt. Keith Egan, of the Southington Police.

 Several witnesses also reported that Martinez-Morales was actively masturbating, Egan said.

The article says that he was “nabbed” by police and that he turned himself in after a warrant was granted for his arrest, which really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But however we got to where we are now, the end result was three counts each of public indecency and breach of peace, and surely a slight sense of awe from more than a few fellas.

Thanks For Dinner. Now What’s Next?

Why the government’s grocery rebate may not do enough to help struggling Canadians
May not? Try will not, especially when most of the article is devoted to many of the reasons why it quite obviously won’t.

I’m not going to tell you that what the government has done here is bad, because it isn’t. Far from it. When you’re struggling, every little bit helps. Been there. I’m glad they did it, even if in the long run it amounts to virtually nothing. Giving poor people a couple hundred dollars one time is a nice thing to do, but it’s not how you deal with an ongoing, continually worsening problem. It isn’t designed to truly fix anything, and anyone who tells you otherwise is either in denial or lying. What it is, more than just about anything else, is a simple way for a government to say “look at us being helpful” while kicking a few uncomfortable cans a little further down the road. If we’re going to talk about real, honest to god solutions to the cost of living, we’re going to have to get into the business of pissing off rich people. And if there’s one thing that governments of all stripes aren’t generally in a hurry to do, it’s piss off rich people. But if we’re ever going to get anywhere, we have no choice. They’re going to have to actually start paying their share and some things are going to have to change.

If we want real solutions, minimum wage has to be something that people can be reasonably expected to live on, and it has to be reevaluated frequently so it keeps pace with reality. Ditto for social assistance rates.

If we want real solutions, we need to start taxing regular people less and billionaires more. One group needs more in its pockets than the other. That’s obvious, but it’s going to take a government with balls enough to not worry about where its party’s next donation is going to come from for us to ever move on that.

If we want real solutions, we need to stop handwringing about the lack of competition across various industries in this country and maybe, I dunno, do something about it. We know good and well at this point that letting a few largely unaccountable corporations do pretty much whatever they want and send the rest of us the bill hasn’t been good for anyone, at least not anyone that doesn’t need to be taxed more. We need to stop approving mergers so that the giants can’t get bigger, and we need to find ways to legislatively cut those giants down to a reasonable size so that so much of what we do doesn’t fall under their sphere of influence.

If we want real solutions, we need to figure out why corporations that cry poor and insist that they have no choice but to raise prices are still managing to rake in money hand over fist. That’s the sort of thing that doesn’t make sense to a sane person who’s having trouble making his own numbers add up while doing his best to pay for it all.

I could surely go on, but you get the idea.

I don’t expect that I’m going to see any of these things happen any time soon. Our current government has been more helpful than most in some pretty crazy times, but it’s already proven that when it comes to the big, system changing stuff, it’s not interested. If you feel inclined to argue that point, look into how electoral reform is going and get back to me.


Grocery rebate cheques are landing in Canadian bank accounts today, but some residents say it isn’t nearly enough to tackle the problem of food insecurity and the rise in cost of living.
Toronto resident Diane Lane says she received about $200 in her bank account Wednesday. While she’s thankful for the help, she says it’s only enough to keep her going, not get ahead. 
“I’m a senior, I live on old age pension, I pay market rent, I live alone, and the food is taking everything I have,” Lane, 70, told CBC News outside a Toronto Walmart.
“It’ll fill my freezer, I might be fine for maybe two months,” she said. “And then I’ll be right back to where I am right now.”