My God, He Was Serious!

Ok, the first weird thing about this story is the story itself. You know your principal has flipped his lid when he calls a meeting of science teachers and says “get those standardized test scores up or I will kill you all and then myself. You don’t know how ruthless I can be.” What’s double weird is the Dalass Morning News has pulled all evidence of it, and it’s only two days old. I had to grab it from a google cache of the story. If you type the principal’s name into google, it doesn’t find him. Has he disappeared? Isn’t it standard when an error is made to correct it, not pull the whole story as if it never existed? Or was an error made? I don’t even know. Creepy stuff.

Ouch, My Nipples Hurt Thinking About That!

Note to anyone interested: Don’t go to Lubbock Airport if you have nipple rings. If you do, and they set off the metal detector, you have to remove them,even if it means using pliers to get them off. Shiver shiver shiver! What possible danger could a nipple ring pose? If they know it’s a nipple ring, like if she shows it to a female officer in private which she offered to do, then why does she have to remove it? Shiver! Shiver! Goose bumps! Everywhere!

Do Joo Know Where Juno Came From?

Apparently, I’m a terminal loser and have been misspelling the name of that damn fake dog. It’s Juno! Woops! I’ve been given a correction!

I’m weird, and think about strange things sometimes. Well, from looking at the blog, I think that’s obvious. Anyway, my newest strange thing I thought about was the fake guide dog, AKA the instructor on the other end of a harness simulating dog movements, and how most schools call it Juno. I wondered where that came from, and how it came to be almost universal.

I turned to google, old buddy, and it didn’t know! So I asked a mailling list I’m on, and I heard something scary. Nobody really knows! The older guide dog users don’t know, the guide dog schools don’t know, nobody knows! It’s just become something that exists, and nobody knows why. I think it’s kind of sad that something that’s a huge part of guide dog training has lost its factual roots.

And then part of me wonders why I bothered to look. It’s simple. I like to know stuff. But this one will stay a mystery. Has anyone been given a reason for the selection of the name Juno?

Pointless Quiz Of The Day

What is your chocolate personality?

I’m posting this because we haven’t had a time-wasting quiz in a while and because I was surprised to find that it was actually right.

Your chocolate personality is: Medium Dark
You prefer dark chocolate but you occasionally eat milk chocolate.

There are only 5 questions and it takes maybe 2 minutes tops. Have fun, and feel free to post results if you wanna.

The Babs Journal: Day 13 (May 21, 2005)

Well I’m tired today…started off tired.

My dog has strange habits. Did I tell you she likes to lick my jeans? She also likes to try and sniff my crotch, especially while I’m getting dressed. Really, not necessary there Babs. A little too personal for me thanks.

This morning it seemed Babs needed a little more love and attention than usual. She’s a funny girl. When I took my morning pills, I took her to her bed and told her to stay and she did.

Oh another cool thing she did this morning was I forgot to grab my food whistle when I was coming to feed her. But she sat and waited while I went to get the whistle. Yes! She’s not testing me that way
anymore. She’s still playing the leash game, but we’ll get over that one.

We’re going out early for a group walk. Heehee wow! Mom and dad said they’d take student Tim with us for lunch if he wanted to come. I have to get instructions from instructor Tim about how to get here from Renfrew.

Another funny thing Margery says is warsh instead of wash. It kills me whenever I hear her say it. Warsh. Hahaha. Well I should probably get my hair into something a little more presentable. Rat’s nest just doesn’t appeal.

That was cool, for the most part. Even got a comment from a passer-by that she’s the cutest guide dog he’s ever seen. The only booboo, major one anyway, was this one street crossing which was a fine example of my screwuppitude. I was pulling my dog out into the street! I thought she was being a real sniffer, so I was like straight. She wouldn’t have any of it…dragged me back onto the sidewalk.

On the way down, she was sweet awesome cool. Focused as focused could be, sat at the curbs, was a doll.

I have to stop here, and talk about the sitting at curbs thing. Why why why why why why did they make handlers tell the dogs to sit at the curb? If we didn’t know the curb was there, how are we supposed to issue a command for it? Dumb. Dumb dumb! This applies to steps down as well. Triple dumb!

Then we did a back turn and she thought she’d just diddle around. Sniff sniff try and lead me up driveways, refused to sit at curbs, went past one curb, sniffed the other dogs’ butts cause we were all out together, and then because of all that, when it felt like she was going more left than straight, I was pulling her right. Dumb dumb. But she was stronger than me and got me up onto the sidewalk. Then I heard Tim, “Give your dog lots of praise cause she was right.”

Next time, she did try to pull way too far to the left. But I was a lot less hard on her and just sorta waved my hand and said straight. We got to the other side. Wow. That was damn cool.

Poor Margery though, she could only go the first 8 blocks and then she had to sit on the bus bench
and wait for us to come get her. Instructor Tim is a smart man. he put her at the back. We all got up to the corner and then we waited for her.

There was one street where my legs hurt like a son of a bitch. I wonder if my feet have changed shape or something because my orthotics seem to be bugging me. Damn it I don’t wanna have to make an appointment with the foot people. They’re a pain.

Right now Margery’s out free running her dog. Then we eat lunch and then I think we free run our dogs and then at 2 student Tim gets to talk to Willow’s walkers, and then we go on a walk I think and then Sharon calls Charity’s puppy walkers…and then we have supper.

We also weighed the dogs. He didn’t tell me the weights. I wanna know I wanna know. They say when they first get home they lose weight cause of all the stress. Good to know.

But my poor Babs only gained weight. I think it was because of all her tumours.

After I took her out to poop, and according to Tim she pooped and peed, yippee, I brought her back here and gave her some water. Oh she was happy to see water. Such a thirsty girl.

Oh we stopped at Timmy Ho’s and I got a small French Vanilla capachino. Student Tim bought the coffees. I was like aww you’re so sweet. I owe Sharon some money from the cheesecake..and the groceries…and the anka gift. Did I mention that we got the Anka gift pretty much bagged? We decided to get the mug and coffee and then get the chocolate as well. So got the mug and the coffee last night.

Wow Babs is flopped out. She was so vocal this morning. It was so cute. Well that’s about it for now. I got directions on how to get to this place from Renfrew so I better email those off before I forget.

Anka continues to crack us up. Sharon said something about going to cry in her room. Anka said, “that’s alright, in my country, if someone cry, we say, that’s alright, means less to pee.”

This afternoon was interesting. After lunch, instructor Tim’s wife and son showed up and ate lunch with us. His son is cute. Maybe 6 or so. Babs loved him. She ran over to him and tried to say hi. I felt bad having to hold her back.

Listen, past newby self, don’t feel bad. That was your problem. You felt bad about controlling her. She shouldn’t have reared up on her hind legs to kiss the little guy, whether she knew him or not. Not cool, not cool!

Eventually I did get her to settle. After lunch, he told Margery how her puppy walking tea would work. You come in with your dog, and then Sue takes the leash and gives it to the puppy walkers and lets the dog be silly for a while. After a while, they hand the leash back to you and you talk about stuff and there ya go. I guess we all get puppy walker thank you cake. Mmm…puppy walker thank you cake. I would have loved to see Babs’s reaction to seeing her puppy walker.

Apparently, according to the scales, she’s 49 pounds. Didn’t I say before she was 52? He says that’s some kind of scale messuppitude so we have to re-weigh on Monday. He says they lose a pound, but not 3 or 4, and all the dogs seem to have lost 3-5 pounds.

Then after lunch I tweaked the directions for mom and dad. Before I did that, the dog played a new leash game. I gave her her bone, and she had nothing to do with it until I picked up the leash. Then the bone was a great toy. Then I took the bone away. No more of that crap.

After lunch and the email, I took her out for a poop. We waited for student Tim to finish up his call, and then we all took off, except for Margery because she had her puppy walkers coming. Off we went for a walk in the rain. Yick. Wore my rain coat, should have worn my rain pants, but didn’t.

We walked down and crossed three streets, then turned and walked and crossed three more, then turned, crossed two more, then turned and got to the next down-curb and turned and said “find the bus,” and she did.

Some minor screwuppitude on my part, made her sit at what I thought was a curb and it was a driveway. Woops. Was nervous on a crossing, but it went ok, she sniffed to beat the band, but what can ya expect after the rain?

Actually, from Babs, you can expect complete and utter loopitude, including but not limited to: extra sniffing, not walking in a straight line, not getting back up on the sidewalk, and other horrors. You would learn this when you got home.

Jesus murphy my legs hurt like sons of bitches. Holy man alive. I don’t know what’s happening. I need these suckers looked at cause this is nutty crazy wacked out. I was dying at one block, so much so that I made her sit.

Oh man. At one point, after Instructor Tim said “jeepers,” both Sharon and I said, “twist?” Then we all started laughing. Sharon got to hear Margery say “Damn sam.” She busted up right in front of her.

Now I’m waiting to free run Babs…yick she’ll be a muddy muddy mucky mess. She already smells like wet dog. I toweled her off some, but it was hard.

This was funny. After our afternoon walk, the routine is poop, feed, poop, lounge, right? Well I thrrew her for a loop today because she’s going for a free run so you can’t feed her for like an hour after the run, and certainly not just before. So I took her for a poop, and just for good measure, I kept telling her to steady. Well, that was necessary because she was trying to rip my left arm off. But I was slowing her down, etc. I took her into the room after her poop, well I don’t think she did jack diddly because she was so bent she was going to get food. We came in here full speed, I was trying to stop her so I could take the collar off etc. She ran straight for the dish…which only had water. I’ve never seen her put the brakes on so fast. Oo she was so disappointed. I just stood there and laughed. I felt sick for laughing, but it was just so funny. I took the leash off, I think she’s so confused. Poor thing. So confused. Man that was funny. She would not even take her bone. I offered it to her, she sniffed it and threw it down. It’s llike, “are you trying to trick me? Is this food? You asshole! How dare you!?!?”

I think that’s about it. I felt a little slow on the afternoon rain walk cause at one corner, instructor Tim said, “Tim and Sharon have already made their turns. Go ahead and make yours.” I felt like Margery. I asked Sharon, was I jeepers twist slow? cause we had to wait a good long time for her, and she’s like no. Don’t know if I believe her. We’ll see what student Tim says, I think he’ll be honest.

This is the point where I look at the reflection of my past, raise my open palm, slap that face and yell “shame on you! Shame on you for being such a catty, shallow, stupid human being! What does it matter if you were Margery slow, or if she was slow for the love of Pete. She was 72. I think she had earned the right to walk that slow. Why would you sink to that level of under-handedness? You are better than that, and you know that! This isn’t a competition. You’re all trying to get a dog. Get over your insecure self and get on with the task at hand!”

Well Margery’s puppy walkers just finished up. Arg Sharon’s at the phone! Why isn’t instructor Tim coming back for me? come on I wanna free run. Gotta take my play collar and the whistle.

Oh, tired. Free ran her. We took her out into the paddock with the whistle in pocket. First you do obedience so you know pooch will come when you call. No listening, no free run. Then you keep walking to keep the dog checking in. Well first you take her into the paddock, with the leash still on her, you put the play collar on. Then you take the leash off and hold onto the collar. Then you say “free” and give her a shove. She should take off. At first she just sniffs around. Then she takes off like a shot. From time to time you whistle at her and have her come, but that doesn’t mean the walk’s over. We gave her a piece of kibble each time she came and praised her like mad. You have to keep moving. Then at the end, you put the leash on, grab the collar off her and lead her home. She didn’t wanna leave. Brought her in and went to take her out for a poop but Tim stopped me. He showed me how to leash-relieve her.

We interrupt this program to look at the day number on this. Day 13. I would be going home in six days, and just now, I am starting to leash relieve. At no time would I be supervised to be told what my dog was doing. I would have to figure this out all by myself.

So we start that tomorrow morning. you move the d clip up to the other ring so she has a longer leash. Then you take her out and then say “busy busy.” She peed and I didn’t even feel her sit. Didn’t have a clue. He showed me where the bags are. So tomorrow morning, I will groggily pick up poop. It begins. I hope I’m half decent at it.

God my feet are sore. Ouchy ouchy papa.

Anka really doesn’t like the f word. Every time she absolutely needs to use it, like if it’s in a story, there is a long pause and then she says, I’m sorry, I have to say…and then she says it. She’s really cute. I think she’s afraid to swear around Margery, or “mrs. Margery” as she calls her.

Tired, sore, sore, tired. Ouch ooch eech. I think I’m going to drag myself to the computer and check email for real. Not much more can happen tonight. Might try and make some calls…maybe I should do laundry and get it over with before tomorrow. Na. I’ll do it after mom and dad are gone.

Ya sure you wanna do that?

And I still have to groom this one. We did obedience already as prep for free run so I won’t bother her with that. Sore and tired, tired and sore.

Here’s What I Think Of Your Stupid Water Bill.

I have learned several things from this article about a man trying to pay a water bill with a cheque written on toilet paper. They are:

  1. Don’t piss off Ron Borgna. If he doesn’t agree with you, he will fight to the end, and so he should.
  2. The town of Binghamton has a lot of pricks in city hall. I hear you saying, “What’s your point.” I’m getting there. Despite the fact that his water bill was four times what it usually is, and they can find no earthly reason for the increase in usage, they’ll make him pay the bill.
  3. It is possible to write out a cheque on a t-shirt if you can show proof that you have the money in the account. What would be weird is cashing that cheque. The only apparent reason they wouldn’t take the shit ticket cheque was because toilet paper can easily be destroyed.
  4. The town of Binghamton is going to be spending a lot of time rolling coins if Ron Borgna has his way, i.e. paying the 2000-dollar bill in change. He has decided to pay it because if he doesn’t, it’s going to screw up his property taxes. To this I say, ha ha ha ha ha Binghamton. That’s what you get for being unreasonable.

In A Related Story, New Research Suggests That Bears Do In Fact Shit In The Woods

Does the fact that some of the more Conservative leaning callers to radio talk shows are scripted by the government surprise any of you? Because it sure shocked the heck out of somebody over at the Canadian Press, at least it seems that way if this little gee whillickers, look what I found article means anything at all.

Seriously, this should be a revelation to exactly 0 people. Politicians trying to swing a public discussion in their favour? Say it ain’t so!

The only newsworthy aspect here is that we don’t read stories like this on a daily basis, which then begs the question, why don’t we? Are the rest of Canada’s political parties so honest that they would never engage in such despicable behaviour, or have they just not been caught yet. Or, and I hate to suggest such a thing, are we dealing with a case of somebody with a bug up his ass deciding to pick on one party while giving the others a free pass? I’m no fan of the Conservative party, but I know a dig when I see one, and if this isn’t a dig, then the bosses down at CP headquarters need to come up with more for their reporters to do because we’re getting into Breaking News!: The Pope Is Catholic! territory here.

The Babs Journal: Day 12 (May 20, 2005)

Well it’s Friday. Next Friday I’ll be packing like a mo fo and going home. Hope I remember how I fit everything in. And no zipper-splittage! Can’t believe I have all my stuff plus more. Yeesh! Glad I’ve got mom and dad picking me up.

This morning was rather uneventful. No pretend slaps from Anka, no great big laugh fests, nothing like that. It was pretty low key.

Speaking of Anka, we decided that instead of Timmy ho’s stuff for Anka, we’re going to get her some German chocolate from this dellie. That would be way cool. Decided that yesterday at lunch.

Babs played a lively game of let’s roll around in front of mom to avoid getting the leash on. But I managed to win that one.

Shit I have to wash my teacup. Must remember to do that. Hope Anka didn’t do it already. The last thing I wanted to do was leave her more work.

I wonder if Margery’s watch will go again. Her watch went yesterday, back to 12 midnight, and she somehow thought it was 12 noon and we’d all left without her. Gees Margery I’d never do that.

I hope we go on another tandem walk today. That was so much fun. So much fun. She had a good chew on her bone last night…she just loved it. I like to give her her bone after a hard day. Not much else has happened yet today, except we got talking about another guide dog whose name sounded like quicky. Now we’ve got Quicky and Goodscrew. Oh dear. Going down hill.

Have to do her grooming/obedience. I love getting that over with first thing in the morning. And it doesn’t take long either. Then I’m free as a bird.

Maybe after, I’ll go out on the patio. Yesterday afternoon was so nice on the patio. Margery and I took our puppies out there and let them catch some sun. Oh that’s the other thing we’re gonna do on Saturday, free run the dogs. That’ll be fun.

This morning I noticed that I can sometimes just say door and she’ll sit. Beautiful, it’s starting to come.

So this morning I have to wash my teacup and do her grooming/obedience and then maybe check out the weather. Then maybe I’d have more interesting things to say.

Well that walk was fun…except she tried to take out another guide dog. Silly girl. I guess she thought maybe they’d have a confab about schools. Hahah. But we managed to get her past a yappy little dog, which I thought was damn Good. IT was a pretty good walk. I figured out why my legs start hurting. It’s when my shoes come loose or close to untied. Then I start walking funny to keep my shoes on. I do it subconsciously so I don’t even realize it.

Wow it’s cool to walk with her and watch her tail wag. It wacks me sometimes as we walk. Then I don’t feel like I’m working her so hard. It’s like she’s having fun.

Before we went out, Margery and I took our dogs out on the patio. Then I brought Babs into Margery’s room and Babs and Amy had a little play. When I groomed her, I noticed a little scab under her fur on her back near her side. It was very attached. I think it was from when Babs got caught in a little altercation with Charity and Willow in the hall. They bite around there. I showed it to instructor Tim and he says not to worry. So I can relax. Just have to get this lump resolved. Hurry up hurry up hurry up.

It seems she likes to be groomed, she drooled on me when I was doing it. I think that’s a good sign hahaha.

I really am starting to think like a dog. I went to go straight to lunch, and then I thought, “no no, she needs water.” So I brought her in here and sure enough she slurped down some water. Thirsty little thing.

It’s so nice out there. So beautiful. Yesterday afternoon was nice too. I like the beautiful days. Well I should go and chow down. Later.

Well we got the rules for the visitors. Should be interesting. When they come, they are to be kept to the front of the building. When I first meet them, I’m not to bring Babs. Then I bring Babs out and they’re to ignore the dog to keep her from getting excited. Then they can say hi. My parents are going to have a hard time with that. But that’s the scoop and I wanna follow the rules and not have a problem.

Poor Margery is completely confused. She thought visitors were coming this afternoon, then tomorrow, then finally she figured out that it was Sunday.

We might get to go to DQ next week. Excited about that for sure. So it’s back to the Gleib again. Wonder if it’s for a tandom walk. Heehee. Love them love them love them.

Oh yeah, I can’t say ok at corners because Babs thinks that’s synonymous with forward and takes off. So must watch my words.

Mom is going to help me get the card for Tim’s present. Yea. Then that will have that all wrapped up. 50 bucks at Canadian tire should be pretty damn good.

I should probably steal the computer. Today’s the last day to enter into the Japan contest.

Tired. Exhausted. Will try to sum up rest of day. Went out for afternoon walk. Was good, but found out later that Sharon and Tim got to do it tandem. But it would have been a busy street so would have been hard. Anyway would have looked forward to another tandem walk. Oh well, we did pretty well except for my dog trying to say hi to a dog tied to a post.
Found out Babs likes to catch flies and has a fear of bumble bees. Came back and ate supper, found out we’re doing our first group walk which is way cool. Had chillie for supper and headed back to room before going to Tim Hortons to take my pills. Dropped pill. Dog got it! Opened dog’s mouth but pill was gone. Dog sensed my panic and started licking me frantically. Ran to van white as a ghost afraid of what 10 mg of hydrocortisone would do to dog. Feeling stupid. They told me not to worry because they do give dogs cortisone for stuff so it won’t kill her. Was completely distracted at Timmy Ho’s, wolfed down my half of a chocolate cheesecake thing without really tasting it. Wasn’t able to talk much because I felt so damn stupid and terrified of what would happen to her. Babs tried to eat gum off the bottom of the table. Scary Jane and her daughter were there. We eventually left and came back home.

Margery almost let her dog poop in harness. Bad! Bad bad bad!

Came back and went over a bunch of CGDB merchandise, bought dog boots.

Went to room and gave dog her bone, she chewed it a while. Talked to mom and dad, dad seemed really mad. Really really mad. Don’t know why, wish I did.

Talked to Sharon a little while. Came back here, will crash. Will sleep soundly I’m sure. Tired. Tim says not to worry about the pill, he’s probably right. That will never ever happen again. Jesus she ate it so fast I didn’t have a chance. Just crunch. Jesus.

Ok, crashing for real this time.

Funny Trixie Tidbits

I seem to be pretty low on things to blog today, but since Trixie always provides me with stuff worth mentioning, here are some more things that I thought were cool enough to post.

One time, I had a nightmare. I can’t even remember what it was about. But I guess I made a noise as I woke up. Trixie was disturbed by this noise, and decided that she had to pull a Lassie. She walked out to where Steve was waking up, and started snorting at him to get his attention. Then, she pointed herself down the hall. So, he followed her, wondering what was up, and she led him to me. I told him what happened. I can just hear the show. “What’s that, Lassie? There’s trouble at the old mill?”

Another time, I think I actually saw Trixie having a doggy nightmare. She was sleep woofing, let out a big one, and then came running to me. Poor thing.

I don’t think Trixie realizes that dogs bark in their sleep, it’s normal, or that she herself does it. When Barb was here with Rosamae, Rosamae started barking in her sleep. Trixie did not like this at all. She got up, ran towards her and barked at her. Silly thing. I think it startled her. I’ve got news for ya, Trixter, you do it all the time.

It’s funny. For a long time, I’ve been calling Trixie “Trix”. Apparently, there was another guide dog whose actual name was Trix. Woops! Now she’s retired, but apparently I was calling my dog the same name as a german shepherd.

Trixie does one thing that gets the same consistent response from everyone who sees it. They all go “I’ve never seen a dog do that before!” What does she do? She stretches out on her belly, but she puts her hind legs straight out behind her, as straight as possible. She looks really weird. I wish I had a picture of that to put up.

She also runs out to a carpet or something and slams down so hard that she makes a horrible thump skid noise.

Remember the other day when I said she responds to ancy pants? Well, she also perks up when I say “genius.” I was staffing a booth a while ago, and I was talking about her amazing memory, and I said she was a genius. Just then, she perked up and looked around as if to say, “You rang?”

Does anyone else have a dog who gives you a kiss and also a zap? I don’t know exactly why, but nine times out of ten, when Trixie is playing around and gives me a lick, I also get a zap! What’s with that? I don’t even know if she zaps Steve when she licks him. Maybe I’m the weird one.

Trixie did something way cool the other day that just solidified that she knows the difference between on and off harness. On our dog day anniversary, I thought it would be fun to take her on a big flexi. Well, nature had other plans. It was a nice sunny day, but the ground where we usually flexi was in horrible shape. There were lumps and bumps, glare ice and soft snow, and occasionally, bits of grass. I quickly learned that it was not safe to be on the end of a flexi being pulled unpredictably by a dog just trying to have fun. She seemed to find the ice really fun, and was trying to skate across it while I slid unsteadily behind her. If I could have let her free to skate, I would have, but since we don’t have a fensed yard, it was flexi or nothing. I stopped her long enough to put my ice grippers back on, but that wasn’t cutting it. At one point, I heard Craig’s voice in my head. He was one of the retrains who was there when I was getting Trixie. The voice said “I’m here because my dog that I just got in October was running on some ice on the flexi, slipped and fell, blew out her knee and had to be retired.” Those words reverberated a couple of times, and I decided to bring the fun to an end for both our sakes.

I put the harness back on and said find inside. Trixie stood there thinking for a minute, and then started walking. If we’re in an open area and it feels like she is walking in a purposeful direction, I just trust her to find the way home. She usually does. If she doesn’t, she finds something else I can use to navigate. She started walking, stopping, walking, stopping, and then she took this twisty, turny route…completely avoiding the big ice patch. You go, Trixie, you go! Then, we got to a place to step down, but she did not approve of it, not one bit. I checked, and I couldn’t blame her. It was a steep slope of ice and snow! She edged me over to a safer place, got us down, and couldn’t have been more thrilled with her work. I was thrilled too, and bent down and gave her a hug. I thought it was neat that that happened on our dog day anniversary. It was really special.

I don’t know why I haven’t mentioned this, but Trixie has a serious love affair with Steve’s little brother. I remember the first time she saw him, it was when we came for his birthday. As soon as I took the harness off, she wanted to give him the biggest bath ever. She was all over him! At the time, I was paranoid that she would bond to him and not me. Na, she just thinks he’s super cool to see every once in a while. She still loves him. It’s that radar. She knows who the animal-lovers are, and can seek them out. He would definitely be one of those.

I feel like I’m forgetting something, but I can’t think of it. Oh well, if I remember, I’ll just throw it in another Trixie thought hodgepodge. Hope you enjoyed this one. I love putting them up. It’s so cool to have all these neat things written down.