In A Related Story, New Research Suggests That Bears Do In Fact Shit In The Woods

Does the fact that some of the more Conservative leaning callers to radio talk shows are scripted by the government surprise any of you? Because it sure shocked the heck out of somebody over at the Canadian Press, at least it seems that way if this little gee whillickers, look what I found article means anything at all.

Seriously, this should be a revelation to exactly 0 people. Politicians trying to swing a public discussion in their favour? Say it ain’t so!

The only newsworthy aspect here is that we don’t read stories like this on a daily basis, which then begs the question, why don’t we? Are the rest of Canada’s political parties so honest that they would never engage in such despicable behaviour, or have they just not been caught yet. Or, and I hate to suggest such a thing, are we dealing with a case of somebody with a bug up his ass deciding to pick on one party while giving the others a free pass? I’m no fan of the Conservative party, but I know a dig when I see one, and if this isn’t a dig, then the bosses down at CP headquarters need to come up with more for their reporters to do because we’re getting into Breaking News!: The Pope Is Catholic! territory here.

The Babs Journal: Day 12 (May 20, 2005)

Well it’s Friday. Next Friday I’ll be packing like a mo fo and going home. Hope I remember how I fit everything in. And no zipper-splittage! Can’t believe I have all my stuff plus more. Yeesh! Glad I’ve got mom and dad picking me up.

This morning was rather uneventful. No pretend slaps from Anka, no great big laugh fests, nothing like that. It was pretty low key.

Speaking of Anka, we decided that instead of Timmy ho’s stuff for Anka, we’re going to get her some German chocolate from this dellie. That would be way cool. Decided that yesterday at lunch.

Babs played a lively game of let’s roll around in front of mom to avoid getting the leash on. But I managed to win that one.

Shit I have to wash my teacup. Must remember to do that. Hope Anka didn’t do it already. The last thing I wanted to do was leave her more work.

I wonder if Margery’s watch will go again. Her watch went yesterday, back to 12 midnight, and she somehow thought it was 12 noon and we’d all left without her. Gees Margery I’d never do that.

I hope we go on another tandem walk today. That was so much fun. So much fun. She had a good chew on her bone last night…she just loved it. I like to give her her bone after a hard day. Not much else has happened yet today, except we got talking about another guide dog whose name sounded like quicky. Now we’ve got Quicky and Goodscrew. Oh dear. Going down hill.

Have to do her grooming/obedience. I love getting that over with first thing in the morning. And it doesn’t take long either. Then I’m free as a bird.

Maybe after, I’ll go out on the patio. Yesterday afternoon was so nice on the patio. Margery and I took our puppies out there and let them catch some sun. Oh that’s the other thing we’re gonna do on Saturday, free run the dogs. That’ll be fun.

This morning I noticed that I can sometimes just say door and she’ll sit. Beautiful, it’s starting to come.

So this morning I have to wash my teacup and do her grooming/obedience and then maybe check out the weather. Then maybe I’d have more interesting things to say.

Well that walk was fun…except she tried to take out another guide dog. Silly girl. I guess she thought maybe they’d have a confab about schools. Hahah. But we managed to get her past a yappy little dog, which I thought was damn Good. IT was a pretty good walk. I figured out why my legs start hurting. It’s when my shoes come loose or close to untied. Then I start walking funny to keep my shoes on. I do it subconsciously so I don’t even realize it.

Wow it’s cool to walk with her and watch her tail wag. It wacks me sometimes as we walk. Then I don’t feel like I’m working her so hard. It’s like she’s having fun.

Before we went out, Margery and I took our dogs out on the patio. Then I brought Babs into Margery’s room and Babs and Amy had a little play. When I groomed her, I noticed a little scab under her fur on her back near her side. It was very attached. I think it was from when Babs got caught in a little altercation with Charity and Willow in the hall. They bite around there. I showed it to instructor Tim and he says not to worry. So I can relax. Just have to get this lump resolved. Hurry up hurry up hurry up.

It seems she likes to be groomed, she drooled on me when I was doing it. I think that’s a good sign hahaha.

I really am starting to think like a dog. I went to go straight to lunch, and then I thought, “no no, she needs water.” So I brought her in here and sure enough she slurped down some water. Thirsty little thing.

It’s so nice out there. So beautiful. Yesterday afternoon was nice too. I like the beautiful days. Well I should go and chow down. Later.

Well we got the rules for the visitors. Should be interesting. When they come, they are to be kept to the front of the building. When I first meet them, I’m not to bring Babs. Then I bring Babs out and they’re to ignore the dog to keep her from getting excited. Then they can say hi. My parents are going to have a hard time with that. But that’s the scoop and I wanna follow the rules and not have a problem.

Poor Margery is completely confused. She thought visitors were coming this afternoon, then tomorrow, then finally she figured out that it was Sunday.

We might get to go to DQ next week. Excited about that for sure. So it’s back to the Gleib again. Wonder if it’s for a tandom walk. Heehee. Love them love them love them.

Oh yeah, I can’t say ok at corners because Babs thinks that’s synonymous with forward and takes off. So must watch my words.

Mom is going to help me get the card for Tim’s present. Yea. Then that will have that all wrapped up. 50 bucks at Canadian tire should be pretty damn good.

I should probably steal the computer. Today’s the last day to enter into the Japan contest.

Tired. Exhausted. Will try to sum up rest of day. Went out for afternoon walk. Was good, but found out later that Sharon and Tim got to do it tandem. But it would have been a busy street so would have been hard. Anyway would have looked forward to another tandem walk. Oh well, we did pretty well except for my dog trying to say hi to a dog tied to a post.
Found out Babs likes to catch flies and has a fear of bumble bees. Came back and ate supper, found out we’re doing our first group walk which is way cool. Had chillie for supper and headed back to room before going to Tim Hortons to take my pills. Dropped pill. Dog got it! Opened dog’s mouth but pill was gone. Dog sensed my panic and started licking me frantically. Ran to van white as a ghost afraid of what 10 mg of hydrocortisone would do to dog. Feeling stupid. They told me not to worry because they do give dogs cortisone for stuff so it won’t kill her. Was completely distracted at Timmy Ho’s, wolfed down my half of a chocolate cheesecake thing without really tasting it. Wasn’t able to talk much because I felt so damn stupid and terrified of what would happen to her. Babs tried to eat gum off the bottom of the table. Scary Jane and her daughter were there. We eventually left and came back home.

Margery almost let her dog poop in harness. Bad! Bad bad bad!

Came back and went over a bunch of CGDB merchandise, bought dog boots.

Went to room and gave dog her bone, she chewed it a while. Talked to mom and dad, dad seemed really mad. Really really mad. Don’t know why, wish I did.

Talked to Sharon a little while. Came back here, will crash. Will sleep soundly I’m sure. Tired. Tim says not to worry about the pill, he’s probably right. That will never ever happen again. Jesus she ate it so fast I didn’t have a chance. Just crunch. Jesus.

Ok, crashing for real this time.

Funny Trixie Tidbits

I seem to be pretty low on things to blog today, but since Trixie always provides me with stuff worth mentioning, here are some more things that I thought were cool enough to post.

One time, I had a nightmare. I can’t even remember what it was about. But I guess I made a noise as I woke up. Trixie was disturbed by this noise, and decided that she had to pull a Lassie. She walked out to where Steve was waking up, and started snorting at him to get his attention. Then, she pointed herself down the hall. So, he followed her, wondering what was up, and she led him to me. I told him what happened. I can just hear the show. “What’s that, Lassie? There’s trouble at the old mill?”

Another time, I think I actually saw Trixie having a doggy nightmare. She was sleep woofing, let out a big one, and then came running to me. Poor thing.

I don’t think Trixie realizes that dogs bark in their sleep, it’s normal, or that she herself does it. When Barb was here with Rosamae, Rosamae started barking in her sleep. Trixie did not like this at all. She got up, ran towards her and barked at her. Silly thing. I think it startled her. I’ve got news for ya, Trixter, you do it all the time.

It’s funny. For a long time, I’ve been calling Trixie “Trix”. Apparently, there was another guide dog whose actual name was Trix. Woops! Now she’s retired, but apparently I was calling my dog the same name as a german shepherd.

Trixie does one thing that gets the same consistent response from everyone who sees it. They all go “I’ve never seen a dog do that before!” What does she do? She stretches out on her belly, but she puts her hind legs straight out behind her, as straight as possible. She looks really weird. I wish I had a picture of that to put up.

She also runs out to a carpet or something and slams down so hard that she makes a horrible thump skid noise.

Remember the other day when I said she responds to ancy pants? Well, she also perks up when I say “genius.” I was staffing a booth a while ago, and I was talking about her amazing memory, and I said she was a genius. Just then, she perked up and looked around as if to say, “You rang?”

Does anyone else have a dog who gives you a kiss and also a zap? I don’t know exactly why, but nine times out of ten, when Trixie is playing around and gives me a lick, I also get a zap! What’s with that? I don’t even know if she zaps Steve when she licks him. Maybe I’m the weird one.

Trixie did something way cool the other day that just solidified that she knows the difference between on and off harness. On our dog day anniversary, I thought it would be fun to take her on a big flexi. Well, nature had other plans. It was a nice sunny day, but the ground where we usually flexi was in horrible shape. There were lumps and bumps, glare ice and soft snow, and occasionally, bits of grass. I quickly learned that it was not safe to be on the end of a flexi being pulled unpredictably by a dog just trying to have fun. She seemed to find the ice really fun, and was trying to skate across it while I slid unsteadily behind her. If I could have let her free to skate, I would have, but since we don’t have a fensed yard, it was flexi or nothing. I stopped her long enough to put my ice grippers back on, but that wasn’t cutting it. At one point, I heard Craig’s voice in my head. He was one of the retrains who was there when I was getting Trixie. The voice said “I’m here because my dog that I just got in October was running on some ice on the flexi, slipped and fell, blew out her knee and had to be retired.” Those words reverberated a couple of times, and I decided to bring the fun to an end for both our sakes.

I put the harness back on and said find inside. Trixie stood there thinking for a minute, and then started walking. If we’re in an open area and it feels like she is walking in a purposeful direction, I just trust her to find the way home. She usually does. If she doesn’t, she finds something else I can use to navigate. She started walking, stopping, walking, stopping, and then she took this twisty, turny route…completely avoiding the big ice patch. You go, Trixie, you go! Then, we got to a place to step down, but she did not approve of it, not one bit. I checked, and I couldn’t blame her. It was a steep slope of ice and snow! She edged me over to a safer place, got us down, and couldn’t have been more thrilled with her work. I was thrilled too, and bent down and gave her a hug. I thought it was neat that that happened on our dog day anniversary. It was really special.

I don’t know why I haven’t mentioned this, but Trixie has a serious love affair with Steve’s little brother. I remember the first time she saw him, it was when we came for his birthday. As soon as I took the harness off, she wanted to give him the biggest bath ever. She was all over him! At the time, I was paranoid that she would bond to him and not me. Na, she just thinks he’s super cool to see every once in a while. She still loves him. It’s that radar. She knows who the animal-lovers are, and can seek them out. He would definitely be one of those.

I feel like I’m forgetting something, but I can’t think of it. Oh well, if I remember, I’ll just throw it in another Trixie thought hodgepodge. Hope you enjoyed this one. I love putting them up. It’s so cool to have all these neat things written down.

The Best Laid Plans…

Ya know, it’s great to plan ahead. But when it comes to robbing a convenience store, maybe calling to make sure there’s cash in the till before you drive down there isn’t such a good idea.

The scary thing is it worked in two previous robberies! How does that happen. Someone calls saying he’s coming to rob you and not to call the police. What can he possibly do to you if you already have police there to get him? Nothing! Call them! How is it possible to pull off something like that?

It’s also not a good idea to call a muffler shop and say you’re going to rob them, and when they say only the manager has access to the safe, leave your cell phone number with them and tell them to give you a call when he gets in. Oh you’ll get your call returned, but they’ll be ready for you when you get there.

Wow, stupid robbery stories never get old.

You’re On Fired!

Erie, Pennsylvania firefighter Mary Wolski has gone to court to get her job back because she says her termination violated her constitutional rights.

The reason she was let go? While trying to take her own life, Wolski
set her father’s house on fire.
No mention was made of whether or not she also helped to put it out, something that might have helped her case a little.

I don’t know why she thinks her job should be returned to her. As Fire Chief Tony Pol quite rightly points out in Wolski’s termination letter, setting somebody’s house on fire makes you not only unsuitable for the job, but also makes you a danger to yourself and other people.

To me, letting her continue to work would be a lot like letting a sex offender continue to function as a priest. Ok, bad example. It would be like allowing cheats and criminals to serve as elected officials. NO wait, that won’t do at all. Let’s try this again. Bringing her back to the department would be like letting somebody with more than one DUI continue to own and operate a vehicle. Oh never mind, you get my point. And as long as the people in charge of making important decisions for Erie’s fire department do too, everything will work out just fine.

The Babs Journal: Day 11 (May 19, 2005)

Man I didn’t sleep well last night. I couldn’t get to sleep. Sometimes at night I worry about what will happen when I get back home. I worry that then, when I have to take care of all my other stuff and her, will I be overwhelmed? And will I be able to know what to do if instructor Tim’s not there to help me out? I mean I think I do ok, but he’s there to sorta guide me. I guess I’ll find that out this afternoon because we do the first tandem walk. I know I’m just worrying too much.

I also wonder if I’ll find places for all her stuff. I’m not too worried about that, but it pops into my head. Stupid things. I know I just worry too much. But you sorta think about those things when it’s getting closer to the end. I know I still have a week, but this week flew.

I also get scared about what Tim thinks of me. He’s so respectful to all of us, even though Margery’s doing things that i’m sure are making him go, “holy crap will you be able to handle a guide dog?” If it isn’t, I’d be wondering. He’s very observant, and knows I second guess myself. I wonder what else he thinks. I would love to see inside his mind.

Babs is starting to play funny business with me. When I get my leash, she rolls around on the ground and avoids me. Testing level 4. Silly girl. I’m just hoping that’s not a sign of something else. Ah, probably not.

God I’m still hungry. I had the usual bagel and tea and stuff and I’m still hungry. Is my stomach expanding or something?

I have an idea for Anka’s gift. Maybe mom and dad could get it when they’re down.

Anka’s getting vicious with her jokes. I think she’s just kidding, but Tim was going to order some chips and she said, “No chips. Look at your stomach, it’s on your legs. You shouldn’t have chips. You’re like my daughter.” So he jabbed her back because she started coughing. Oh it just kills me to hear her cough. Anyway, he said “stomach on my legs is better than hack hack hack.” Then we all started
laughing about shishkahooq again. Stupid commercial.

I can’t believe it’s Thursday. God I need to be in a better mood. The radio isn’t helping. Oh well.

I don’t know if Babs likes being groomed anymore. That makes me sad because every other dog seems to like it, what am I doing wrong? And I feel too embarrassed to ask instructor Tim to watch me do it. How hard is it to run a comb through a dog’s hair? Like hell how hard is that? Part of me wishes there were more newbs in the class…but then again, maybe they wouldn’t be brave enough to ask either. I should just swallow my pride and ask. People said to ask about whatever before you go home.

And I hope I’m not hurting her when I’m walking her on leash. Sometimes she overextends herself and I feel like I’m pulling on her. But I guess instructor Tim would tell me if he saw something wrong.

Is it normal for me to lose confidence in everything I’ve done so far? I’d love to know, but am a little nervous to ask. Maybe if I catch Sharon or something. I dunno. What the hell is with my mood? Maybe Amy’s blues are catching.

Oh, the plague of the newb. They’re all too afraid to show weakness, even though they’re probably showing it in actions instead of words. Just ask the frickin question. That shows more strength than you know.

Gotta remember to ask instructor Tim about how you cross at mid-block crossings, where there’s a pole in the middle of the sidewalk with a button. There must be a way to cross those even if there’s not a downcurb there. I don’t know. Gotta ask him because I cross those a bit. He better not say, “you just don’t do them.” I’ll be sad. I doubt it though.

I really hope it warms up to what they say it’s supposed to. That would be nice. I wish we could watch the news tonight while we eat dinner. I wanna find out what happens with the budget vote. I don’t wanna have to vote again. Arg! They’re all slime, I tell ya.

Ber it’s cold in here. I should take this one down and do obedience and grooming, provided she doesn’t find grooming torture. She must enjoy it, she stays still for me, except for sitting down whenever I go to comb her tail, but I know no dog likes her tail combed. I just worry when I’m combing her underbelly. I should just swallow my pride and get instructor Tim to watch me because I’m worried. I don’t wanna hurt her. I wish I could read her mind. Well I should get my butt in gear, then maybe I’ll cheer up.

Well I did. We went on a great walk, and Margery says Babs is likely just testing me with the leash thing. Silly girl. We went and did more traffic work, it wasn’t so bad as I thought and then we did a bit of off curb obstacles. Tim must work with some real nutjobs, because he thought he had to remind us what an off-curb obstacle was. And to think about safety when going around them. Well no shit sherlock. If there’s fense and construction up there, there’s no way in hell I’m stepping out into the street. Jesus Murphy.

Did I write about how Anka gave Tim the razz about having a big stomach? We have a couple options about how to get Anka’s stuff. We might get her some chocolate. That would be damn good. And there’s always the mug and coffee.

Oh, and instructor Tim says you can do midblock crossings at the pole thing. Rockin awesome cool.

It’s such a nice day out there. I might have to go out and sit on the patio and soak up the sun. Oh there’s Babs in her bed. Silly silly girl.

Poor Margery’s watch is threatening to die. I might lend her my clock radio so she has something to check the time. It sucks having nothing to check the time.

We might have pie for dessert tonight. Mmm…pie! drool drool.

I’m starting to think like a dog. If I smell something down the street I think, hmmm if I were a dog, I would just be in sniff heaven. Better tell her to leave it. And sometimes, when I have to go to the bathroom, I wonder if she has to go too. She really does change your life.

This afternoon should be interesting. Wonder how long we’re walking for since we both get out together.

Margery scared instructor Tim I think today. She almost took her dog out into the middle of the street. Man alive that woman is going to get herself killed.

Apparently we’re all loud, we laugh so loud you can hear us through the whole building. Sharon calls me the birdy because I whistle and sing all the time. I must drive them all looloo. Well I should do a quick email check and then I might go out to the patio. Ooo sun on the patio!

Interesting. I’m called birdy in one place and Twinkle toes in another. That kind of makes me giggle.

Well this afternoon was the most amazing feeling in the whole world. That was the best. Oh it was my first real puppy walk because there was no instructor Tim leash.

Compare that to the Trixie days, where I got her on day 4 and started walking without the double leash in the afternoon of day 5.

I completely controled her myself and it went damn well! There was only one street I screwed up on but it wasn’t your conventional street crossing. We did perfectly. I wanted to run down to the end of the street just to see what was there. I felt like flying! It was awesome!

Margery and I both got out of the van and we both walked our dogs, and we had to keep one behind the other and switch positions so that the dogs took turns leading and following so one wouldn’t get lazy. I wanted to just sprint. But I had to slow down, and managed to slow her down, and felt in complete control. Her sniffing didn’t even bother me. I was able to bring her back under control.

The apprentices just watched and it was great. one funny thing happened. When we came back to the bus, she almost gallopped to it. Mark says, “Get on and ride!” We had a good laugh about that.

She’s the best damn dog in the whole world.

Well, she tried. Poor beast.

We walked for an hour and I didn’t even feel it. The poor dogs were puffing and panting. We gave them a bit of water just to cool them off a little, but not too much because they might bring it all back up. Then we brought her back and I fed her and she actually behaved herself rather well. She’s starting to realize that when mom says slow the hell down,
mom means it and if you keep bolting like a wild beast, you have to wait longer for the chow down. She’s starting to sit if I just say door. It’s great.

Student Tim, Sharon and I had a little confab about Margery. We think she’ll be on about as short a leash as the dog when she gets home. Instructor Tim will come see her and then either say she’s unsafe or tell her she can only take the dog to certain places. Poor Margery, has such trouble. Then Sharon and I had tea and that was cool. Ooo, have to remember to wash my mug.

Some of the dogs had a little play in the hall and the leashes got all hooked together. They managed to get them unhooked though.

I thought Anka was going to eat us alive just before dinner. We were sitting in the lounge watching the budget vote, and she came in and said, “come and eat or if you don’t come in two minutes, there will be no supper for anyone.” We all got up and looked like little kids. “Yes ma’am, yes.”

We still don’t know what Shish means in her language, whatever it is, she’s from Bosnia. When student Tim joked about wanting Chicken Shishkahooq or whatever, she erupted into laughter and said we were being silly, and said we must know what Shish is in her language.

Dinner was absolutely delicious, probably because I was so hungry from the walk, and then we had pudding for dessert.

Heehee I’m excited, tomorrow night we go to Timmy Ho’s. Then the next day, well, it’s a bit chaotic. We have a morning walk and then we come back and get our dogs weighed, and then people see/call their puppy walkers, sniff sniff, and the rest of us go out for walks, and what the hell is Saturday night? I can’t remember. Then Sunday is visitors’ day. Then Monday is the holiday but we do more work and then we go out for Chinese, on CGDB’s dime no less. Then Tuesday I know we’re going for a country walk in the afternoon, don’t know what’s going on in the morning and then we’re having a chat with the vet. Maybe I can corner her about Babs’ lump. Then we go out to Swiss Chalet because student Tim was craving it. Then we go on a night walk! Hee hee! A night walk! All together! Heehee! Don’t know what’s up with Wednesday, but Thursday we graduate and then Friday it’s all over. Yeesh! Oo I’m so excited to see mom and dad. Heehee. I think that’s about all for today.

This School Board Needs Improvement

Here’s a message for the Massachusetts Board of Education: Wouldn’t you be better off spending your time and money fixing your under-performing schools than looking for a kinder word than under-performing? You know what they say about a rose by any other name? Well, it’s true. People can see through the bullshit, so spare them, and instead of quibbling over words, uh, actually fix the problems so you don’t have under-performing, or high needs, or priority 1 schools. Isn’t that what matters?

Ladies And Gentlemen Of the Jury?

I don’t know what it is, but there’s something really weird about two jurors screwing in a courthouse bathroom, especially since they’re jurors in the case of a child molester. I would think hearing that kind of evidence would turn people off sex. But because of these two wackos, the trial will be put on hold.

I can’t believe these two class acts were among the people chosen to be on the jury, especially given the way jury selection is so carefully done. The pool must have really sucked. I mean, these people weren’t exactly icons of discression in the sex department. Could they have been any better at hiding their true selves when it came to other things?

Any way you slice it, those are two citizens who were not very up-standing in either the literal or figurative sense.

Give Me All Your Money! No Really, It’s Ok, You Know Me.

I just had an interesting and highly illogical conversation with a nice woman from the March of Dimes who was going around our building to sign people up for something called the Dime Plan, a monthly donation scheme to benefit the physically disabled.

She told me that I didn’t have to part with any money today, but that if I was wanting to participate I would have to give out some basic information. Not being down with this idea for a number of reasons, I asked if there was a website where I could go to get more information and perhaps even sign up. What she said next was a line of reasoning I’d never heard before, and hopefully will never hear again.

“We like doing it this way rather than online because people know who they’re talking to and it makes them feel more comfortable.”

My response was something along the lines of “you’re kidding, right? That doesn’t make any sense, because I’ve never met you until right now and the only things I know about you are the ones you’re choosing to tell me.”

She didn’t understand this, so Carin and I politely explained to her how easy it is to misrepresent oneself by saying that you’re from someplace you aren’t and doing something you have no intention of actually doing. It took some work, but it finally clicked and we got our website.

This little conversation made me realize once again how gullible a lot of us are. For this woman to be able to say to us with a straight face that we should be fine with dishing out our life story because she’s standing right here so it must be legit tells me that this is far from the first time she’s used that line. It also tells me that it must work. to me this is insane, but who can argue with success? Ok, I guess in a way I just did, but whatever. What I’d really like to know is why it works. It has to be that we’re either spineless,
retarded
or both. whatever it is, we need to rise up as one and stop being it, and we need to do it yesterday. I know it sounds like a lofty goal, but if we could all make an effort to process what we’re hearing for a few seconds, we might be able to put an end to the barrage of solicitation we’re subjected to on a daily basis. It only works because we allow it to work, so quit allowing it to. It’s ok to say no. The physically disabled won’t haunt you at night. Hell, it’ll be hard enough for a lot of them to get up your front steps or reach high enough to tap on your bedroom window let alone give you a serious haunting. So sleep well and for God’s sake save your pennies. No wait, make that dimes.