Yeah, Doing Laundry Is A Shitty Job, But…

Ug! I’ve been upset that people have left their clothes unattended when I needed the machine, but never have I thought it would be a good idea to take a dump on their load of laundry! Gag! What a thought! He’s in jail, and I think if someone bails him out, they will be hunted down by everyone in that apartment building.

You’re Going To Jail! You’re Going To Jail!

Here’s another one for the bongo drum teddy bear shrine home-invasion files.

Imagine this. You’re sleeping on the couch, hooked up to a machine giving you oxygen while you sleep. Suddenly, you’re awakened by a 27-year-old woman wearing only a shirt and underwear screaming “We’re going to egypt” as she tries to strangle you. Your six-foot son wrestles the five-foot attacker off you, but manages to get his nose broken and his wrist dislocated before police arrive and take her, Jennifer Marie Wojack, away. He slugged her once during the confrontation, at which point she screamed “Give me more daddy, I like it, I like it.” Wouldn’t that be a rude awakening?

The weirdest part of this story is the way it ends. Wojack doesn’t remember it, and there’s no note about Wojack having mental health issues or anything. She doesn’t even have a police record! Well, she does now.

Best Celler?

I don’t know how to feel about cellphone novels. My first gut reaction is ug! Apparently, in Japan, a lot of people are throwing together novels on their cellphones, in text message format, then somehow getting them published, and they’re selling like mad! Some of them are on the best-sellers list! If text message-llike writing is literacy’s future, I cry.

then I wonder if things are cleaned up in the publishing phase to create a decent book, and if that’s the case, is it a good idea? Is it encouraging more writing? Can there be a good thing out of something that appears bad?

Finally, part of me wants to be fair to these cellphone novels and get my hands on one of these novels, just to see how bad it is. My gut says it would be bad bad bad bad bad, but I’m infinitely curious! Has anyone seen one of these? I doubt it, but who knows.

Introducing Microsoft Office Spy!

Microsoft really is trying to be big brother. Now, they have a patent out on something that would allow a computer program to track employee productivity through monitoring their physiology, and if it determined that an employee was stressed, it would tell the boss.

I don’t know about you, but if I was working somewhere, and the boss said he wanted to wire me up with sensors that would monitor and transmit my heart rate, temperature, blood pressure, facial expression, and other physiological indicators so he could keep an eye on my productivity, I would consider that an invasion of privacy, and wonder what my options were to fight it. AS of now, pilots, firefighters and astronauts are the only people that can be subjected to this level of monitoring, and I think it should stay that way.

Ug. Microsoft seriously creeps me out.

The Wheels Of Consumerism Go Round And Round

The folks at bus radio must really think people are stupid. They market their station as a way to play nice music on the bus ride to school, play some public service announcements, and have little lessons on how to pass some standardized tests. But who do they think they’re kidding? All they’re doing is finding a way to push ads at kids as they ride to school.

Let’s face it. Kids aren’t going to pay any attention to any kind of lesson being broadcast over the radio on their ride to school. They’re too busy talking, bugging some kids who they think they should bug today, generally goofing around, or listening to their own music. What a crock. But then again, maybe they’ll tune out the ads too.

It’s been removed in a few places, but some schoolboards are stubbornly pushing ahead. Hmmm. Makes me wonder if they have shares in McDonalds.

I Can See Burnt Toast!

Here’s a dumb invention for you. a transparent toaster. Yup. Now, instead of setting your toaster and doing other things until it pops, you have to stand there and watch your toast for it to reach its desired brownness, and then pop it. And here’s the kicker. You can only do one slice at a time! So if you really must watch your toast brown, you can forget about making a sandwich, because when you finish toasting your second slice of bread, your first one’s cold! Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Are people really that anal about their toast? I can’t believe enough people thought this was such a good idea that they went and invented it.

What a Boob! And I’m Not Talking About The Mannequin

Ok, I love this story, both because it involves a guy getting his weener stuck in a mannequin’s boobs, and because British writing is some beautiful stuff. How often do you see the word “whinging” in a news article?

Yup, this guy bought a plastic model of a female bust, sold by a company who makes stuff to be used in display windows in stores. He somehow thought it was a sex toy, and got Mr. Happy stuck in a 24-mm hole in the thing. It’s a set of boobs! He then had to get himself out of the tight spot using big scissors, and before he managed to free Willie, he worried he’d have to call in the firefighters.

I guess, after that point, too much blood flowed to his second head, because he phoned the company demanding a refund and saying they should warn people that these aren’t adult toys. AT least they had the sense to tell him he wasn’t getting any money, but they are wondering if they’d have to put warnings on the mannequins!

Why in hell didn’t the dude realize that he was lucky to get out of having a fire brigade laugh their asses off at him while freeing his imprisoned dick and just slink back into the shadows? Why did he then call the company wanting his money back? Oh yeah. He was so stupid that he stuck his privates in an artificial set of boobs. How could I expect him to do something smart now?