I Hate That

Last Updated on: 23rd September 2013, 08:53 am

I think one of the worst things in the world to have happen to you is to be cleaning out your fridge and happen upon something that you forgot you had. God it’s terrible when that happens. I think it would have to be right up there with cleaning up somebody else’s vomit or shitting your pants. You know you have to get right in there and take care of the situation but you just get such a feeling of dread and your gag reflex kicks in something fierce and it’s next to impossible sometimes.

The puke thing is bad but at least you know what you’re getting into once you have time to assess the situation. Opening containers in the fridge is a whole different ballgame though. It’s kind of like a mind game between you and whatever horror lies within. On the one hand you’re thinking “ok, this can’t be that bad, it hasn’t been there that long, has it? I’m such a puss, I should just open it.” But on the other you’ve got that voice of reason saying things like “I don’t remember the last time I used that tupperware for anything, maybe we should leave this for the girlfriend to find.” Some sort of mystical rancid forces are trying to turn your left and right brains against each other but inevitably you strike a balance between fearlessness and caution and decide to investigate…in the slowest manner possible.

So there you are, container in hand wondering if there’s any last minute garbage that needs to be taken out or if you should call your Mom just to say hello. But no, you are a fighter and damnit, you can get through this! Slowly you reach for the lid, all the while cursing yourself for not getting rid of things once a week. If only you were more vigilant, none of this would be happening. Then it happens, the top comes off. Sometimes it’s not so bad. It’s not so good mind you, but it was better than you were expecting it to be, nothing jumps out at you. But sometimes, like today for instance, you are greeted by something so vile and disgusting that you question the whole practice of eating food in the first place. Man, I hate Thanksgiving.

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