Ok, I Think I’ve Just Officially Heard It All

Last Updated on: 21st January 2014, 06:32 pm

is one of the most ridiculous explanations I’ve heard for anything in the entire history of ever.

A Rochester man who said his poor eyesight caused him to molest his girlfriend’s prepubescent daughter was ordered to prison today.

Monroe County Court Judge Frank P. Geraci Jr. sentenced Eric Kennedy, 38, to 12 years behind bars for repeated sexual contact with the girl from February 2001 through August 2004.

Kennedy was arrested last year after the girl, now 13, reported the abuse.

While being interviewed by police, Kennedy blamed the girl, saying she placed his hand on her body.

He also said he had poor eyesight that might have caused him to mistake the girl for her mother, with whom he was living.

I can safely say that not many people in the world have worse eyesight than I do, and in the nearly 30 years I’ve been around, even being as dumb as I am sometimes I’ve never managed to molest somebody by accident. I’m not sure who this goof thought he was going to fool with that one, but thankfully it turned out to be nobody. I hope they tack a few extra years to the end of his prison sentence just for being a humongous fucking idiot.

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