Um Yeah Ok

Last Updated on: 23rd January 2017, 09:31 am

When I wrote the
last month about the crazy man suing Michael Vick for “$63,000,000,000 billion” dollars, I had no idea how crazy the guy actually was.

It turns out that Jonathan Lee Riches, the man who filed that suit, has also filed at least 35 others, all of which are riddled with similar insanity. Here’s a
to a Wikipedia entry that details the ones that are known [yes, there may be more]. Among them are these 2, both filed on the same day.

On July 16, 2007 Riches filed a lawsuit against the Mossad, Central Intelligence Agency, and Larry King Live claiming the “defendants are in a vast conspiracy to hijack my torso, three toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord, NH.” Riches also alleges that the “Mossad told me personally on April 20, 2007 that they are going to hang me on a cross next to Jesus Christ.”, that “Larry King Live is a voodoo witch doctor who stole my identity on February 25th, 2003 and purchased lead paint, Chips Ahoy!, Planter’s Peanuts, and Ziploc bags under my identity. Distributed them to the CIA to microwave test my DNA”, and that “The CIA on January 4, 2006, plead allegiance to Al-Qaeda..” The court refused to docket the case because the court did not receive a filing fee from Riches.

Also on July 16, 2007, Riches filed a lawsuit against the Federal Judicial System, all United States Federal Judges, United States Marshals, and Tiger Woods. This lawsuit claims that “Tiger Woods is touring the PGA golf courses with my identity in his pocket. He will not answer my prison phone calls – this continues today.” and that “U.S. Marshals laugh at me through the prison ventilation system.” In the lawsuit, Riches misspelled ventilation and marshals.

Here’s hoping the guy gets the help he needs before he decides to sue me, Google, News of the Weird and Wikipedia for making him look like a goof, and perhaps even for subjecting him to ridicule through the microwaving of his identity and credit cards via the internet and President Bush who, it should be noted, used to sell goats to Paris Hilton in exchange for books about knitting. I made that last part up…I think.

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