Yet Another Ad Pile

Last Updated on: 3rd March 2022, 11:19 am

It’s amazing that it doesn’t take us long to come up with another pack of ads that deserve mention. Here we go.

They have these new Ford commercials telling you that you should really drive a Ford, and one of the big things they’re all proud of is how much electronic stuff is packed into the car. The one girl says “Look at the dash, it’s all digital.” Uh, no. That is a reverse selling point for me. What car was it that we owned that backed into a store window on its own, despite all kinds of human attempts to get it to stop? Why, that would be a Ford Arrostar. It was one of the most digital cars we ever owned. I don’t want my dash to be all digital. I don’t want the car thinking too much on its own. Plus, when it breaks, now you have to take it in to a Ford guy because noone else will touch all that fancy electronics. but of course, that’s what Ford wants.

There’s a commercial for these Off mosquito coils that says something really dumb. It says the coils kill mosquitos that may carry the West Nile virus. So it only kills the ones that *may* carry it, but those who do and those who don’t are fine. Ok then.

Every time I see this ad for Mike’s hard Lemonade, I giggle. Part of it is it’s just funny watching that lisping guy’s voice traverse several octaves and then say “I don’t usually…scream like…that.” And part of it is I think it’s great that someone’s making fun of Coors and their certified cold bottle. Seriously, do you need to be told when your beer is cold?

There was this commercial that I would see, and all it would say was “Good morning, homies. You know, that dog should really be on a leash. Minding my own business…not my forte, but that is.” Thanks to this hilarious article, I now know that it’s for the Kia Forte. But all I kept thinking every time I saw it is “what’s wrong with telling those idiots with their growling, off-leash dog to put the beast back on a leash?” Never mind that the guy doing the telling looks like a total dork. Yup, I’ve had a dog too long.

The Wireless Wave ads never make any sense to me. They tell you that if you don’t love your phone, you need a new one, so come into Wireless Wave. And then the end says “Wireless Wave. Love your Phone.” But if you love your phone, why would you want to come into Wireless Wave?

This lame ad for Pizza Hut’s tuscani pastas is scraping the bottom of the stupid barrel. Were they planning for people to see right through this one as an obviously stupid commercial, or were they hoping that people would actually believe the plot? I can’t find a video to show you, so I will do my level best to explain it. They tell you that they blindfolded a family and told them that they took them out to a fancy Italian restaurant, when really, they’re eating Pizza Hut pasta in their own home. Then you hear the family chowing down, surrounded by silence, saying things like “mmm you can really taste the parmesan cheese.” or something equally stupid. Then they say something like imagine their surprise when we showed them the truth. They ask them “Where do you think you are right now?” The family says “An Italian restaurant.” Oh please. there was no music, no fellow patrons, no clinking of forks and knives, not to mention they probably had to let themselves back into their own house and they’re sitting at their own table, which I’m sure even the dumbest of the dumb would recognize blindfolded. the blindfolds are lifted, and there’s a collective gasp and scream. Oh come on.

During my search for the video, I found a whole forum thread on this stupidity, in which I found a funny take on the commercial.

I can only imagine what the neighbors were thinking when they saw the family being led blindfolded into their home by strange men. “Look honey! The Sullivans are being kidnapped and held hostage by Pizza Hut! Call 911!”

And if that wasn’t enough stupidity, the announcer makes a big thing about how the pastas are “restaurant quality”. Well Pizza Hut is a restaurant, is it not? So I sincerely hope the pastas are restaurant-quality.

Steve and I were watching wrestling, and a promo came on for the WWE Kids magazine. Among the things kids could do in this magazine, they could navigate a “mind-numbing maze”. Both of us at the same time said “Mind-numbing?” I would have understood brain-teasing, or mind-bending, or brain-twisting, but mind-numbing? To me, that means the maze is so boring that you can feel your brain transforming into a pile of mush as you stare blankly at it and plod through it. Will they next advertise that the maze is insipid? How about vapid? People, choice of words is key!

This Marineland commercial has always bugged me. It says: “they come from a land of ice and snow, now belugas have a home in Arctic Cove.” Translation: They were once free…until we captured ’em and put ’em on display for your amusement. Hmmm. That commercial doesn’t make me want to see the belugas, it makes me sad for them. I mean, we already knew that, but having it pointed out to us doesn’t seem like a good advertising plan.

I wonder if they had the kids and the guy who do the radio spot for Marineland watch that Arctic Cove ad one too many times. They just sound so depressed and miserable. Maybe they’re sad for the belugas. I wish I could find a copy, but it’s a radio ad and I’ve only heard it while listening to Blue Jays games, so I wouldn’t know where to look.

There’s something seriously wrong with the slogan for It says “five-star hotels, two-star prices.” So the hotels may be great, but you’ll end up paying a really shitty price for them. I know what they really mean, but my brain keeps thinking the other thing.

One last thing. We’ve noticed that they’ve taken that horrible gum commercial off the air…you know the one with the singing teeth. For that, we say…thank you!

And that’s it for now. I’m sure we’ll have another one of these before too long.

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