Poopin’ Out The Field Mice And Ploppin’ ‘Em On The Bed

Last Updated on: 15th March 2017, 04:53 pm

Update: Not that it makes things any less creepy and gross, but it turns out that the mouse up our friend’s ass was a computer mouse, not an I’m going to chew through your walls and fuck up your home mouse. Somebody should have told him that’s not how backing things up is supposed to work.

I’m not sure how to begin here, because sometimes things are so strange that they take away my ability to even try coming up with anything witty. Then again in cases like this it’s not like I need to, so I’ll just tell the story.

24-year-old South Carolina man Noah Smith was picked up by Oconee County police who were responding to a reported break-in at an area home Saturday night. Smith, who was naked,, slapped, kicked and attempted to bite the officers, who responded with pepper spray, batons and a Taser. Once he was subdued he was taken to a local hospital emergency room, and that’s where things get weird.

Smith reportedly told doctors that he had no memory of fighting with police, which makes sense because according to witnesses, drugs definitely appear to have been involved. Probably mushrooms of some kind, they say.

It was also in the emergency room that a stowaway was discovered in the form of a mouse which was for reasons yet to be explained lodged inside Smith’s rectum. It was not noted whether the mouse was dead or alive, which seems like a much more important detail than it has any right to be.

Smith is being held without bond on charges of burglary, assault, resisting arrest, and indecent exposure.

I’m sure there’s a mouse-related entrapment joke in here somewhere, but why should I get to have all the fun?

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