Matt’s Song Of The Summer

I just got a couple of tweets from our old friend Matt, Founder and Honorary Douchehamper In Chief of Vomit Comet Enterprises. It seems he wants to make his pick for 2012 song of the summer.

U wont like it or b happy about it.But u KNOW this has song of the summer written all over it. It’s catchy, it’s singable. It’s from the biggest movie of the summer. Will be played repeatedly on radio and in every club.

“U wont like it or b happy about it.But u KNOW…”

With such a perfectionist’s attention to spelling, spacing and punctuation, is it any wonder that this man is the VC legend he is?

But I’m going to have to give him credit, because he’s right. I don’t like it and I’m not happy about it.

His choice is Back in Time, a song by a fellow calling himself Pitbull.

My only prior experience with Mr. Bull here is making liberal use of my FastForward button when he did a song on an episode of Raw a while back. Pretty sure it was when they had the birthday party for the Rock. I could be wrong about this because I try to forget shit like that with an urgent sense of immediacy and I don’t care to look it up, but I’m pretty sure I’m correct. The song is featured in Men In Black III. I’m not much for movies and haven’t been for a long time, but if Men In Black III is as big as it gets for summer Blockbusters, Hollywood is in some serious fuckin’ trouble. Also explains why you don’t see any Blockbusters around anymore, come to think of it. People may be smarter than I give them credit for and not renting horsenuggets like these. The hell did we need a Men In Black II for, while we’re on the subject? How did we get to III?

But moving right along, I must pose a question to our old pal. What part of this song is catchy or singable? I listened to it all the way through. Honest, I did. All I heard was another slice of generic crap that sounded like all the other generic crap. You could tell me this is the song of summer 2012, but for all I know it could have come out in the winter of 2008. I was bored less than a minute in, and it didn’t get any better from there. I invite you to email me an explanation of what I’m missing. I’ll even post it under your name. Hell, I’ll show you how to post it yourself if you’d like, since you know there’s always an open invitation.

By the way, didn’t you used to be a punk loving guy who would take somebody apart for even thinking about liking this kind of junk? I seem to remember you giving me the what for over a few of my musical choices in the past.

I say all of this knowing that I’m not the target audience for today’s music. I’m not sure who is, but it has one. I have no doubt that this song will be all over radio and blasting out of every club. That’s why I stay away from clubs and avoid top 40 radio unless I’m trapped in a car or a store surrounded by asshats with no taste. This can be the song of the summer if it wants, as long as it agrees to leave my summer out of it.

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  1. You my friend, are a better man than I. I didn’t make it through forty seconds. I had to shut that off. If I wanted to hear shit like that, I’d go down to the local waterworks, and listen to them filter the little loglets out of my next glass of H2O. You want hidious-sounding, you’ve got it. Excuse me while I go harf in my mouth.

  2. So…I guess you didn’t like it?

    Only reason I made it all the way through was so that I could be fair. Plus I was waiting for the catchy and singable parts.

  3. You would be guessing accurately. That was sickening. I don’t think a terbo shopvac even compares to the total and complete suckage that is that miserable excuse for a song.

  4. I didn’t think it was that bad.
    Comparing that to PitBull standards, and that was a very tame and subdued song.
    I give it 3 out of 10, because of the creativity of mixing in the oldies there.
    I also am looking forward to the Men in Black 3…
    I don’t think I’ve forgoten how to appreciatevarying levels of crap and learn to like it.
    That or I’m not a grumpy old woman yet 🙂

  5. I like crap too, but it has to be a certain kind of crap. Fun crap, if you will. this crap is not fun, but your review is certainly fair.

    I have no idea what Pitbull standards are. I’ve only ever heard a song and a half, and I’m not about to go through more if I can help it hahaha.

  6. Gee thanks, WordPress’s commenters don’t like to make me look like I’ve got half a brain.
    It fudges up my replies on James’s blog too.
    But anyways, I find some of his crap fun.
    But I do agree that crap has to be fun for me to enjoy it.
    I catch all kinds of shit from Taylor for liking anything from PitBull. lol
    I guess that everyone has different ideas of fun crap 🙂

  7. Those weren’t typos when I typed it, but for some reason JAWS and the comment field in WP don’t play nice together for me.
    When I try to read back word by word it makes it look really screwy.
    Ah well, I’ll survive 🙂

    1. Not sure why it does that, but I’ve had it happen to me before too. Doesn’t seem to do it every time, but enough that I’ve noticed it.

  8. It does it to me everytime I try to comment, reading word by word goes all kinds of funky.
    But I can say it doesn’t appear that WP screwed up that previous comment. 🙂

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