Crank Is In The Tank, And She’s Got Crank To Thank

Recently arrested on charges of child endangerment and possession of methamphetamine is the most appropriately named person I’ve run across in some time, Zara Crank.

Cpl. Jon Poletski said officers went to Shasta Regional Medical Center shortly before 5 a.m. to check out a reported child molestation.
Poletski said Zara Crank, 22, had called 911 saying her boyfriend sexually assaulted her 4-year-old son, and she requested officers to meet her at the hospital to investigate.
But officers noticed what appeared to be a container of methamphetamine coming out of Crank’s shirt, Poletski said, and he said the woman appeared to be high on meth.
When officers asked her about the suspected drugs, Poletski said Crank told them the substance they saw was indeed meth, and she’d taken it the night before. Crank then admitted she’d been up four days and had not been taking care of her son, Poletski said.

As for that suspected child molestation, it turned out to be diaper rash, and it was Crank’s fault.

God, people just suck sometimes.

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