I’m Late, I’m Late, For A Very Unwanted Date

Having grown up on a steady diet of Unsolved Mysteries, America’s Most Wanted and pretty much anything with Bill Kurtis in it, I know that now and then a person might find herself in a situation where it feels like the only option left is to fake her own death. But for all the reasons I’ve seen it done, I can honestly say that to the best of my knowledge, because I don’t want to date this guy anymore is a new one. Even if we allow for the idea that her wannabe other half might have been a bit creepy and needs a lesson or 12 on how to take a fucking hint, this still seems a bit extreme and kinda dumb.

After a third date with the poor fellow whom she had met on an online dating site, Gray decided that she didn’t want to see him again. But when she tried to let him down gently, he didn’t get the hint. Even when she flat-out told him it wasn’t working, he persisted.
“He continued to message me and the day came when he sent one stating ‘I think we need to have a date tonight! I will be around your house in 30 minutes.'”

Totally gross, not to mention borderline stalker. But rather than take the conventional route and call the police which I’m aware doesn’t always work, she sent off a text.

“Hi there, this is Ann-Marie’s sister, I am really sorry to tell you but she was taken into hospital last night with a very serious illness, so she won’t be available for a while. Sorry about that, if or when she comes around and is feeling better I will get her to message you.”

If you’re slow, you’ll be surprised to learn that this didn’t work. It did, however, prompt him to ask which ward she was in and then try to find out for himself by going to the hospital when an answer was not forthcoming, because of course it did.

In a bit of a pickle, she felt she had no choice, and another message was sent.

“I am really sorry to tell you but we lost her last night.”

That seemed to do the trick, until our hero forgot the first rule of faking your own death. That rule, naturally, is don’t get caught…especially not by the guy you’re ditching as you continue to have conversations with others on the same dating site the two of you met on.

“He sent me a horrid message!” she told the Mirror. “Can’t say I blame him, really. I am currently engaged to be married and not dead!”

Not yet, at least.

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