Some Wrestling Talk And A Grammar Lesson. What More Could You Ask For

Time for some more wrestling talk. See you soon, everyone who comes here for dick jokes or dog stories.

1. Even with all of the recent drama, you expect Brock Lesnar to re-sign with the WWE.

First things first, everyone needs to stop saying “the WWE,” because the World Wrestling Entertainment makes no sense and is wrong. I’d understand if it was just people still having a hard time adjusting from the days of saying “the WWF,” but back then we also had a “the WCW,” which was also stupid. The World Wrestling Federation = good. The World Championship Wrestling = bad. Therefore, you are not the best wrestler in the WWE, you are the best wrestler in WWE. Or if you feel you need to put more words in there, you are the best wrestler in all of WWE. Clear?

What the hell was the question again? Oh. Right. Lesnar.

I don’t know what I expect him to do, but I sure hope he stays. He’s quite literally the only thing about WWE that feels even remotely special right now, probably because he’s not around enough to get sucked too deeply into the shit vortex they call booking around there. But on the other hand, if I were him there’s a chance I’d still have something to prove in the UFC, and I’m not getting any younger. If I’m feeling healthy enough and the money is there which it almost certainly is, I’ve got one foot out the door unless Vince McMahon walks up and hits me over the head with a giant briefcase full of thousand dollar bills.

2. While the booking of the IC Title and Champion Wade Barrett has been poor, you are excited for the ladder match at WrestleMania.

I want to watch the ladder match because those are usually enjoyable spectacles, but there’s a difference between wanting to see and being excited for. What, exactly, is there to get excited about? Not only are they telling the story all wrong (Announcing that you’re hanging the belt above the ring before everyone and their brother starts stealing it during matches every week? How stupid are you people?), but the winner has to be IC champ. Oh boy, I get to kill myself in a dangerous ladder match for the right to lug the geek title through airports and lose on TV every week. I can’t wait!

3. CHIKARA announcing Bullet Club (AJ Styles and The Young Bucks) for this year’s King of Trios tournament has captured your interest.

Nope. Try as I might, I’ve never been able to make it through an entire CHIKARA show. Not even the ones I thought I was interested in beforehand. I could never put my finger on what exactly it is, but I just can’t watch it. If I find myself wanting to see the Bullet Club guys, I’ll put on some Ring Of Honor.

4. Jon Stewart’s segment on Raw was one of the better celebrity segments in a long time.

It was sure as shit better than Wiz Whatshisnuts on Monday, I’ll say that. Yeah, Stewart did great. I think it might have been the best use of a celebrity since Stone Cold (Cold Stone?) and Mike Tyson back in 98. And if WWE hadn’t edited the video they put online to take out most of the best stuff, I’d share it with you all. Such morons.

5. Talents like Alberto El Patron, Rey Mysterio and Samoa Joe opting not to re-sign (or leave their promotions for other reasons) is positive thing for the wrestling business as a whole.

Of course. Any time somebody with name value can lend it to an alternative in a positive way, it’s a good thing. Maybe nobody’s touching WWE for the number one spot in the industry right now, but the existence of a bunch of strong twos and threes is, to quote every promo in WWE for the last couple years, what’s best for business. That there are other things I can watch is one of the main reasons I’m still a wrestling fan. If all I had was the last 5-10 years of WWE over and over again, I’d have likely given up a long time ago.

6. What is your current excitement level for WrestleMania 31?

Ahh, this question again. But since WWE hasn’t done anything else to get me excited for Mania since the last time I answered it, I’m going to put just as much effort into answering it this time.

That’ll do it for this round. Now back to your regularly scheduled dick jokes and dog stories.

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