Aaaaaaaaahhhhh! That’s Not A Raman Spectroscopy Device!

Have you ever seen that thing on social media where at the start or end of the day, someone will take a few minutes and list a few things that they’re grateful for or that make them happy? I don’t generally do that, but I’m going to go ahead and lay one on you all right now.

I, Steven Wettlaufer, am grateful that my life has taken a path such that I get to sit here and do this rather than a direction that would have seen me ply my craft as an investigator for the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario. While I certainly would have been far more richly compensated having gone that route, I feel without a moment’s hesitation that any vast financial reward I would receive would pale in comparison to the joy and happiness it brings me to know that on any given day doing what I do, it will not be my duty to shoot a fat, underwear-clad dermatologist full of erection drugs and then see if he’s physically capable of humping my leg.

I bet you think I’m making that up, don’t you? If yes, I invite you to read the story of Dr. Rodion Andrew Kunynetz, recently found guilty of various counts of misconduct related to sexual contact with patients. Part of the case hinged on whether Kunynetz rubbed his penis on women during exams or if, as he claimed, that wasn’t possible because the penis in question was sheltered by his giant gut.

As you know, when somebody claims something, it’s the job of the opposing side to try to prove otherwise, and sometimes there’s only one way to do that.

For the defence, Dr. Sidney Radomski, head of urology at Toronto Western hospital, injected Kunynetz with a “triple mixture” of drugs to induce an erection and then had the doctor, wearing his underwear, conduct a simulated examination on him while sitting on the examination table.
The simulated examination took place when the penis was flaccid and after the arrival of the erection. “Dr. Radomski concluded that it would not have been possible for Dr. Kunynetz to have rubbed his genitalia, flaccid or erect, against the patients,” according to the decision.
On cross-examination, he admitted other factors, such as how Kunynetz’s body was positioned, could have affected his conclusions.
Then came Dr. Gerald Brock, expert for the college, professor of surgery at Western University and specialist in erectile dysfunction. His examination of Kunynetz, where he also injected drugs to cause an erection, was observed by a college investigator and a lawyer representing the defence, whose job was to take pictures.
Brock also acted as the mock patient in the simulated examinations, which he conducted at three different examination table heights.
“When Dr. Brock sat on the examination table, he was able to feel Dr. Kunynetz’s penis when Dr. Kunynetz was standing and moving forward towards him,” the committee wrote. “He was also able to visualize the penis. Dr. Brock testified that he was able to feel the penis at all three table heights.”

So yeah, maybe don’t be so quick to doubt old Steve here.

Let me also state that while I’m grateful that I don’t have to do it, I’m also glad that there exist people in this world who are willing to. They’re often all that stands between creeps who abuse positions of trust and their ability to keep doing so.

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