Kame & Went

I thought I had posted this a couple months ago, but it turns out that it wound up on my endless I’ll get around to it pile and then never got gotten around to. So thanks muchly to a good friend I won’t name just in case for looking out for us and making sure that we don’t miss the good stuff. And if a fella doing his best to follow the instructions on a Kum & Go sign isn’t the good stuff, what even is good stuff?

According to cops, victims called 911 to report that an “unknown male had said sexual things to them and began masturbating in their presence” while outside the convenience store in Iowa City.
After a police canvass near the Kum & Go, officers identified Kenneth Lee Kelly, 54, as a suspect in the public pleasure session. “Multiple subjects from Kum & Go, neighboring businesses, and apartments identified the defendant as the subject in the photos,” cops reported.

No word on whether one of those neighbouring businesses was a Jack in the Box, but maybe don’t eat there for a while if it was.

Kelly, who has to have been playing the tell me you want to get caught without saying you want to get caught game with police, said when questioned that the person in the security video wasn’t him, but then proceeded to show them all of the identical clothes he owned. He also pulled the ‘ol it’s a big misunderstanding card, telling police that what those nice people may have seen wasn’t him pulling something else, but just scratching it.

All of this went about as well as could be expected and he was booked, it says here, into the Johnson County Jail, which…well…yeah.