I’m Sad That Grandma Called Me Chicken. I Should Go Play Salad With A Train Or Something

It’s been a while since we’ve had a food feud type story, and I’ll be honest, this one has me more than a little confused. I’m going to go on ahead and hope this guy is just slow, and not this much of an idiot/anger management reject. A South Carolina woman returned home from the …

United Breaks Dog Life Expectancy

Oh United, you endless source of material you. The 140-pound Mastiff traveled from Miami to San Francisco via Houston in August. The owner had made the trip with his pet before with no problems, but on an 85 degree day in Houston, he was horrified to see that Bam Bam the dog was transported to …

Is There A Lack Of Oxygen To His Brain?

I present to you Mitt Romney, United States presidential candidate. Romney’s wife, Ann, was in attendance, and the candidate spoke of the concern he had for her when her plane had to make an emergency landing Friday en route to Santa Monica because of an electrical  malfunction. “I appreciate the fact that she is on …

That’s Not Why They Call Them Jackasses, Sir

In spite of what some of you may think of a few of my grade school dating choices, I’ve never been caught having sex with a donkey. But if I were, I’d be doing my best to keep a really low profile and make sure that as few people as possible found out. but that’s …

Yunel Escobar Is Not A Smart Person And It’s Been Nice Knowing Him

Since I returned yesterday from an in some ways traumatizing but hopefully ultimately successful apartment hunt, all I’ve been hearing about is Yunel Escobar and his homophobic eye black. I don’t want to get all high and mighty about this, because I’d be a serious hypocrite if I did. I think gay jokes can be …