I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. “Nice legs,” I said. The girl giggled and said with a smile, “You really think so?” “Definitely!” I replied. Most tables would have collapsed by now.”
Category Archives: mailbag
Try The Back Door
I was banging this sweet MILF over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. “It’s my husband,” she said! “Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have ran. But you don’t get offers like that every day.
What’s In The Bags?
A man trying to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders is stopped by a border guard. “What’s in the bags,” The guard asks. “Sand,” the man replies. The guard, not satisfied, wants to examine them. So the man gets off the bike, places the bags on …
A Handyman’s Guide To Tools
My dad was a pretty solid handyman, but even he had his troubles. Remembering those and some of the new curse words they taught me as a child made this funnier to me than it may have been otherwise. This is not, by any means, a full and complete list. But it’ll get even the …
Rap Music, Translated
Rap lyrics. They can be pretty sophisticated sometimes. If not sophisticated, at least hard to understand. So as a public service, here is one such rap song translated into the proper English for the benefit of those who wish to be hip like the youngsters. The music, so you can follow along, can be found …
Deer Crossing Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means
My sister sent me this Please Move The Deer Crossing video a while ago, but I kept forgetting about it and losing it among the far too many messages in my completely ridiculous inbox. Part of the reason is that I was sure it had to be a fake. Her description made it sound like …
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Bad News Poker Game
Six retired Floridians are playing high stakes poker in the condo clubhouse. A member of the group, Meiers, loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up. When they’re done, Finkelstein looks around and …
A Lesson In Punctuation
This is clever. A Lesson in punctuation Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re …
‘Twas The Evening Prior To A Celebration Of Marketing And Religion
I have no idea who wrote this, but my god is it awesome. ‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our domicile, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously …
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Mute Protection
Two friends, both mutes, are standing on a street corner talking to each other in sign language. Mute #1 (SIGN) “What would you like to do?” Mute #2 (SIGN) “I don’t know, what about you?” Mute #1 (SIGN) “Let’s get my car, find some girls and have some fun.” Mute #2 (SIGN) “Good idea.” So …