I don’t know how many admitted shoplifters we have reading this, but a question for you in case you exist. How common is it for someone to spend seven hours in the same store filling up a cart with things he plans to take? I always picture shoplifting being something that happens fairly quickly. You …
Category Archives: master criminals
Turns Out The Old Saying About Bringing A Knife To A Gunfight Is Probably True
I’m not a big fan of guns in general. Unless you’re planning to shoot something for the purposes of eating it or protecting something that’s going to be eaten later, I don’t feel like there are many good reasons for needing one. But that’s not to say that they absolutely never have a purpose. Now …
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Safety First
Whether Floridians behave like meth users or meth users behave like Floridians will probably always remain a mystery, but of one thing we can definitely be certain: the ones that make the news most often aren’t going to be the best or the brightest. They may, if 49-year-old Douglas Kelly has his way about it, …
Put The Money In The Bag. I’ll Be Outside Double Checking, So Don’t Try Anything
Bank robbery pretty clearly is not for Michael Gale Nash. Not only did he whip out the old write your hold-up note on a paper with your name and birthday written on the other side of it gimmick, but then he didn’t even bother running away once he got his money from a disproportionately frightened …
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The Dashcam Giveth And The Dashcam Taketh Away
Note to Xavier Moran: If you own one of those dashcams that records everything, there’s more than a slim chance that the word everything means exactly what you’d think it would. This is important, because not only will it have the good evidence on it that will prove you weren’t at fault in that car …
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Who Was That Masked Man? It Was Kerry
Update: Somewhere between me hitting publish on this and going to the site to make double sure that I hadn’t messed anything up, the second Facebook post went from looking for him to noting that he was captured. Never underestimate the power of the Vomit Comet. Original post: Police in Georgia are looking for Kerry …
If This Isn’t Where The Term Criminal Court Came From, It Maybe Should Have Been
I’d have to go back and check to be absolutely sure, but I feel pretty comfortable saying that this, by far, is the oldest Master Criminals story we’ve ever featured here. It dates all the way back to 1725 and involves two robbers taking each other to court for fraud after their partnership went south. …
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Idiot Job
This seems like as good a time as any to remind you that movies are fake and that the sorts of things that work there don’t generally translate to real life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyBnQ8kRJVc A suspected car thief tried to make the perfect getaway by racing down a flight of stairs but ended up being rescued by …
Aside From Every Bit Of It Being Stupid As Hell, I Understand None Of This
I don’t know if Thomas Hartman was high on his own supply or what, but I’m having trouble coming up with anything else that would explain any of this. For some reason, Hartman accused either his cousin or his brother (depending on whether you believe the written article or the irritating autoplaying video on a …
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Why Can’t I Bolt In This Bolt?
Cory Allen Patrick and I have something in common. Neither one of us knows how to drive an electric car. The owner of a 2017 Chevy Bolt told police he had stopped at a stop sign at the intersection when a man, later identified as Patrick, approached his driver’s-side window, the affidavit said. It said …