Thanks, Doug. Still Ain’t Votin’ For Ya

Doug Ford poised to send out pre-election cheques to 16 million Ontarians Don’t get me wrong. I’ll happily take an extra couple hundred from the government if they’d like to send it to me. But you know what would make me even happier? If they would take the $3.2 billion that this pre-election bribery with …

Bell Lost A Court Case Over Shitty Customer Service, But It Won’t Matter

Man, do we ever feel this guy’s pain. The case pertains to Gilles Tessier, a man who attempted to cancel his satellite TV plan way back in May 2019. At the time, Tessier was told in a phone call that service would be cancelled the next day, but noticed the following month that he had …

Faster Than A Speeding Gullet

I imagine emptying out a gun shop is the sort of thing that would make a fella pretty hungry, but next time, maybe try holding those cravings until you and your rented car are a little further from the scene of the crime. A gang who stole firearms from a gun shop were caught when …

All Is Well At The Animal Prison

I have breaking news, everyone. The orangutan that got out of its enclosure at the Toronto Zoo this week did not escape. It merely “accessed an area just outside of its habitat.” Phew! That was close! The oddest part about that sentence is that there were no quotes around it until I put them there, …

Cut It Out! You’re Bugging Me! Clean Up Your Act!

Call me crazy if you’d like, but for some reason I have a feeling that this unseasoned chicken thing isn’t the first time that this family has had a night like this. When Deputy Kyle Burns and Corporal Simpson arrived, they were told the situation began when Anthony Harper was asked “why he didn’t season …