Please Stop Giving My Money To People Who Don’t Need It

Make This Amazon Charade Illegal This perfectly sums up how I feel about governments bribing companies with our money to set up shop in our towns. I’m not talking about giving a small mom and pop a loan to get off the ground, that’s fine. But doling out money and tax breaks hand over fist …

Simple Twymans Bad At Crime And Going To The Jail

“Butler County Sheriff Richard Jones wants to relay a few tips about what you should never do at the Sheriff’s Office or any police agency,” Jones said in a news release. “We hope you find this helpful: “• If you are not handicapped, do not park in a handicap spot, especially if the sheriff’s personal …

Doug Ford Might Actually Be About To Get Something Right

Province to announce classroom cellphone ban: Canadian Press None of the kids had them in 1998, which is going to make for a super authentic atmosphere during sex ed class. This is one of the few times that it’s hard to disagree with Doug Ford on something. You’re a kid. The fate of civilization or …

Religion Makes Itself Hard To Take Seriously…Again

Not that I want to oversimplify things, but religion can be really, really silly sometimes. Like seriously, we’re all so hung up on our dumb rules and traditions that we have to literally fight over who gets to say their prayers at which section of wall? Thousands of young ultra-Orthodox Jews have clashed with a …

Man, It’s Like A Parking Lot Out Here

You ever hear the expression go big or go home? Well, hitting 47 cars while you’re out on the town definitely qualifies as going big, but Christopher Paolissi clearly should have gone home. Maybe should never have left there, actually. Paolissi was arrested Tuesday afternoon near the intersection of Elmwood and Lexington avenues, after Lt. …

Take One…Out Of My Pants

Somehow I missed this one last summer. When Rebecca McKay went to her band’s studio last week, she found something she never expected. A man, shirtless and sweating, allegedly masturbating to pornography on the band’s computer was sitting on the couch in the mixing room. He quickly tried to come up with a cover story …

Get Your Paws Off My Mug, Whatever The Chinese Word For Douchebag Is!

If you wonder why corporations have been able to take over the world so completely, look no further than us. We’re all, to some degree, advertising susceptible morons. Black Friday has proven this over and over again and there are far too many other examples from around the world of regular people waiting in absurd, …