Turns Out The Old Saying About Bringing A Knife To A Gunfight Is Probably True

I’m not a big fan of guns in general. Unless you’re planning to shoot something for the purposes of eating it or protecting something that’s going to be eaten later, I don’t feel like there are many good reasons for needing one. But that’s not to say that they absolutely never have a purpose. Now …

AHHHHH! I’M NUTS! I MEAN OW, MY NUTS!

I have no idea what kind of drugs this fellow was supposedly on, but they don’t sound like the fun ones. According to an arrest report from the Walton County Sheriff’s Office, on June 10 a caller reported a white man was “on drugs and threatening to kill the neighbors with a gun.” Deputies responded …

There Are Two, Maybe Three Songs You Can Play On A Recorder. Are Any Of Them About Arson?

I don’t have a whole lot to add to whatever’s going on here besides that I have some family in Ingersoll, a random fact that I hope doesn’t become important. Oxford OPP arrived at a small grass fire near a parking lot in downtown Ingersoll just before 9 p.m. Saturday. Police said a man lit …

Ask About Our 911 Minutes Or It’s Free Guarantee

Today in stupid ass reasons for calling 911: The pizza wasn’t ready when my son and I came to collect it. A 32-year-old woman dialled 911 at about 9 p.m. Monday to report her pizza wasn’t ready when she showed up at an Elgin, Ont., restaurant to pick it up, Leeds County OPP said. When …

Come ON, Dude. I Triple Dong Dare You!

I don’t know if Richard Kuhn needs better friends, richer friends or a course on lying, but he clearly needs something. Maybe less time on his hands would be a good start. On May 22, three women in three separate reports told Ocala police that a man exposed himself to them at Target, 2000 SW …

Put The Money In The Bag. I’ll Be Outside Double Checking, So Don’t Try Anything

Bank robbery pretty clearly is not for Michael Gale Nash. Not only did he whip out the old write your hold-up note on a paper with your name and birthday written on the other side of it gimmick, but then he didn’t even bother running away once he got his money from a disproportionately frightened …

I’m Not A Health Teacher, But I Play One At The Park

Were Otis Dawayne Ryan a Doug Ford voter, I’m guessing it would have more to do with the buck-a-beer promise than his pledge to make the sex education curriculum more conservative. The incident occurred about 3 p.m. Sunday at a park in the area of Pier 60. Officers said Ryan at first was approaching tourists …

Quarter In The Courts

This is nice. One-Quarter of Ontario PC Candidates Currently Face Lawsuits, Probes and Police Investigations Obviously not all of these people won, but Doug Ford and his band of miscreants were easily handed a majority government on Thursday, so obviously some of them did. All of this is important, but there are four things of particular …

Go Home Ontario, You’re Drunk. Possibly ON Buck-A-Beer Meant To Distract You From The Fact That You Just Voted In A Total Asshat

So. Premier Doug Ford is a thing now. I’m not going to say I’m surprised. I can’t. The existence of Donald J. Trump, President of the United States makes being surprised by an election result pretty well impossible. But what I can say is that I’m incredibly disappointed. More than anything I’m disappointed in the …