United Breaks Custom Motorized Wheelchairs

Jesus, United. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Valentin Duthion has spinal muscular atrophy, and requires the use of his wheelchair to get around. When he and his friends boarded a United Airlines flight to New Jersey, they left his chair in the care of airline staff, as is normal procedure, according to …

Quit Playing With Our Broadcasts, You Wanker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4iItGNCHsw The owners of radio station Mansfield 103.2 and Ofcom (the British equivalent of the CRTC) are trying to figure out who keeps hijacking the station’s frequency to play the happy little tune above and how it’s being done. The communications regulator is hunting a radio pirate who has repeatedly hijacked the airwaves of a …

I Need That Cash Back! How Am I Supposed To Buy a Clue Without It?

After you’ve broken into an apartment in an attempt to rape somebody only to be chased off by a dude with a sword, you’d think you might want to lay low for a while and maybe stop pushing your luck. But you, my friend, are not Francisco Chavez. *His* next move was to waltz into …

You’d Best Get Used To It. It’s Going To Be Even Hotter Where You’re Going

Today in those are some immense testicles you’re sporting there, ma’am: Colleen Walker, 30, who told the cops to turn on the air conditioning because it was too hot in the car…as they were hauling her in for having left her 5-year-old son in a sweltering car while she and the 3-year-old went shopping for …

You Can Now Borrow Musical Instruments From The Kitchener Library. There’s A Be Quiet Joke In There Somewhere

I don’t use it much, but I have to say that the library here in Kitchener is doing a pretty good job of trying to stay relevant and useful in an age where all the world’s collected wisdom can be found just by asking Siri a question. Their latest idea? Lending out musical instruments. Guitars, …

It Could Also Mean Pilferer Of Everything

It hasn’t happened in a few years to my knowledge, but it was only going to be a matter of time before some guy (it’s always a guy) went and pulled a Wolfname, and that time is now. Police in Boynton Beach, Florida, had been trying to solve a rash of thefts from local businesses. …

Next Time, Vote GOP! Grand Old Penis!

Police officers responded to a call from the Forest Hills station in Jamaica Plain at approximately 12:15 a.m. regarding a man, later identified as James Sacchetti, exposing himself to an adult woman on a train. Sacchetti, 30, allegedly approached the woman and initiated a conversation about the election. Assuming she voted for Hillary Clinton, he implied …